Peacecraft Kingdom

Confrontation to Freedom

2011-02-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

A decision i made. Brings me freedom for mental suffering. But again, it may lead to a larger cage. Pursuing Freedom is a never ending journey. As we are all under God's rule, we have no Freedom. Freedom only comes when we leave his rule and never live nor dies. That is eternal freedom.

I put myself together, walk up to my boss, submitted my resignation. This is the first relief.
I confronted him, tell him why i leave and with strong reasons, i get my revenge for being unfairly treated by him. This is the second relief.
I got a better job with better pay with better benefits. This is the third relief.
I was praised and treasured by my senior and my future boss of my good communication and presentation together with a job well done. this is the forth relief.

Finally for so many years of suffering from ACCA, i get some recognition. This is what makes life worth fighting for. It is not about praise. It is about recognition! No wonder i don't feel my existence. Because existence only comes when people recognize your existence! GOOD LUCK with the Future!

Back to Twilight

2011-02-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

Hi… It’s me again. Thanks to the movie New Shaolin, CLK has been revitalized. The phrase “随缘一世，一世随缘，这样才自在” woke CLK from his insanity.
But it seems to be that the power of negativity and grudge that he holds is so deep that the resurrection does not last. It was just last night when he was resurrected. But a night later, he was discouraged, falling back into the dark again. Perhaps it was due to the death of Zechs, leading to the confused body to be led by no one. Tired again…
CLK is tired… fed up… once again feel sick of this sarcastic world, filled with sorrow and despair. PRAYING for his death! Life indeed sucks!

The Death of Peacecraft Kingdom Prince

2011-02-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

Pity to say, due to uncontrolled frenzy of the dark side, Zechs has finally lost himself and gone insane due to inability to exercise sufficient rest while looking over CLK. It's sad to lost him. May he rest in Peace.
Luke & Danville will be on duty. Be warn that they are 2 different person. You may witness a mood swing anytime, that means a swap between them.
CLK! PLEASE PIECE YOURSELF TOGETHER! WE NEED YOU!

Perception

2011-01-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

Someone once told me that life is a gift. As time pass by, this phrase did not prove itself. Time is a very scary thing. Everyone is given 24 hours a day, but is it really 24 hours? Not quite the truth. Time to sleep, time spent day dreaming, time is wasted. No one is actually able to full utilize the 24 hours given.

Besides, worst thing always happen at the worse timing. When things do not go your way, more things will follow. Therefore, leaving you with nothing left. This is a natural phenomenon that no human can ever deny. However, acceptance is the key. When things do not go as you wish, you may just choose to accept the direction. Well, since no choice is given, you cannot do anything about it. Why not just accept it with open heart?

As people age, they tend to think more, worry more. People are getting more and more experience as time flies by. They are given the knowledge of survival as well as the wisdom to differ right and wrong. Talking about right and wrong, this again is a topic that is arguable. Perception is the word to describe everything about right and wrong of this world. What is right? What is wrong? Does one plus one definitely equal to two? The answer is NO! Facts are what people believe it to be real and are somehow proven to be real. Prove? What is proof when you force yourself not to believe it to be real? Let’s discuss about the Robin Hood case. In old England, there is a thief, named Robin Hood, he steals from the rich to help the poor. Is this right or wrong? In the face of law, he may be wrong. In the face of Justice, he is wrong as well? Perception.

Life is a gift, gift that you should treasure. Yes! Indeed. Life is a gift, a gift that can be compared to a ticket to experience the delicious gourmet of the great cook. I suppose you can guess who does the great cook I refers to. Spices of life are the things that makes people age. Not time. The more you experience, the older you become. Some may be young but the taste of life is so clear that they taste it already!

Fairness is a topic that can simply be arguable. Some people claims that fairness does not exist in this world. Some people believe it does. Personally, I believe in the natural law of Equivalent Trade. You give what you take. There is no free meal in the world. Some people may be “lucky”, they spend little time to achieve what they wanted. Some may need to work hard, spend more time on it. But do they know that the challenges and set backs they receive during the course to accomplish their aim is actually a very valuable experience to them? This is something those “lucky” one do not experience. When things do not go their way, they just trip and fall. They may just stop and cry there while you, yes, YOU! Who taste defeat and pain of falling, stands up directly, and get on with the challenges ahead. Is not this something u gain that they do not gain in the course of achieving your target? FAILURE is a great teacher. Success is bad lecturer. Same tricks do not work twice now.

Conclusion… life SUCKs!!! No matter how it goes, how it ends, how it begins, it is just some extra stuff. When something exist, something need to feel the happiness, as well as sadness. This is the balance of nature. Everything comes. When non existence, there is no such things as worry, as well as happiness. SO? LIFE INDEED SUCKS!

Tormented Soul of the Archer

2011-01-16T20:27:00.000-08:00

As a sagitarius, i enjoy freedom. Perhaps i should put it this way. Freedom to do anything. But of course, the most important thing is the freedom of soul.
Currently, there is a problem... caged within as i am... what hurt most is the pain of caged with hatred towards everything that's caged within with. The pain... is... incomparable. Of such that makes people insane. I can sense that my personality is at it verge of breaking down. Keeping him sane and alive, is a trouble. Indeed, i am also suffering from his negative thoughts and scream of pain every day. Tears had ran dry together with unheard grudge of life. Living with such grudge will bring insanity and impurity of the soul. He will definitely be haunted for life with the grudge he hold inside. It pitiful to see... yes... it is really sad to see... When sadness turns to depression, when hope no longer exist, where life is just a misery... Things will turn bad...
I dearly hope that he will be better soon... Rest assume, tiredness had already made my power weak to keep the dark side of me caged... anger and rage are at the verge of exploding. It will not be an easy way to keep it down at times of weakness.
Hopefully, things will turn well. Yes... HOPE.
Zechs is tired...
CLK is insane...
And that leave the rest to keep this body alive...
Good luck!

2011 ... is 2012 for real?

2011-01-10T05:24:00.001-08:00

YES~ 2011 is finally here. Just can't wait for 2012 to come. But who cares... it might be just rumors and craps that has no supporting facts and calculations. But personally, i hope that it is real. LOL!!! Satanic as i am, i fear my own existence even more everyday. Every time i saw a building, i will think, jumping down from this height, what will happen. I do feel that i am almost there in, nearly there to visiting hell. Hahaha~ Satan is coming for me. Hades is coming for me.
Anyway, fear of death is there. It is not easy to commit suicide. There is a large need of COURAGE. Don't think dying is easy. Everytime thinking about methods of suicide, there is a fear of PAIN~ inflicting pain to people around you... and for what??? Consequences of your Death. Please... Death is just running away from problems. But what is it all about life that makes people keep hanging there, suffering to survive? I don't get it... Earning more money to spend? In the end, everyone dies. Even the richest man dies in time to come. Human are just pathetic creations, created merely for entertainment of the creator. It is very painful to know this truth. People say, human exist for a purpose. Helping the poor? Curing the sick? Why don't just kill them? Simple and easiest way to relief their pain and suffering. Show me the meaning of LIFE!

Random

2010-11-23T07:41:00.000-08:00

i'm turning 21 soon. but it feels like i have been through half of my life. Somehow, it maybe true. If i died on 42, i really live half my life already! haha. So true that it is unbelievable. But anyway, life is like a roller-coaster ride. I wonder... last night, i was unable to sleep. my memory started to play.
Someone said, think about your childhood memory. happy one. I tried... and i feel very disappointed. It was only a 5 minutes "movie clip". Maybe less. what i am most disappointed about is that my childhood memory with my parents don't even worth 1 minute. How sarcastic can that be?
But the truth is... there are people out there that have worse experience than me...
It was today, that i feel my life is a dream. So dreamy that i don't even know if i am awake or i am asleep. Wondering... when i was taking my mock exam, it feels like a dream that i told myself to wake up. So funny yet scary... Even death came to my mind that i m about to kill myself. LOL! What a great dream. Still, it's real. I am sure that it is real. I am not in a dream. If i ever attempt to kill myself, i won't wake up. I will ended up DEAD! It's not a dream. It real!!!

Life as A Student

2010-09-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

Suddenly this topic came to my mind...

Life as a student. Ah~ My life as a student is coming to an end. Life goes on. I suppose this is what every graduates or graduates-to-be are thinking about. Finally, leaving school and going to the society. Excited as i am... At the same time... worried. Wonder if i am capable of handling what is going to come into my life sooner or later. But, that doesn't really matter yet. The need to guarantee a PASS is the priority now.
I read about the articles. The syllabus are going to change in June 2011. Basically, this is the worst news for a student. I~ personally, feel that... D***! Why so fast? I can't complete until June 2011 at least! sigh* What can i do about it???
While all these stupid thoughts came to my mind...
I think it over. This time, with calmness and unambiguity. Finally, realized that, every human will be a student for the rest of their lives! This is the actual FACT! This thing that troubles me is insignificant. It is totally meaningless. Because, no one will graduate eventually as a STUDENT! Life is about learning. No one can stop learning until they die. Laugh Out Loud! Unless, they choose not to accept... However, even not accepting is a knowledge of how and why not to accept. You still learn something! Sarcastic~ Life is just SARCASTIC!
Learning... perhaps spending the whole life understanding the true meaning of life is better than everything. Spend some time sit quietly and meditate. Listen to the sound of life. Perhaps one day, i can communicate with nature and understand the meaning of LIFE better...

~When vision comes from the heart~

Sharing ^^

2010-09-25T22:17:00.001-07:00

最近很多人都说烦~ 那就来一首 “最近比较烦” ！哈哈！听了就别再怨烦了。每个人都有他的烦恼。

Special Edition

2010-09-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

I had been posting in English all these while... and i thought... Hey, why not try to post something in Chinese? LOL?

~人生~
是我这次想谈的话题。从出生，成长，死亡。过程各有不同。就是因为这个不同，让人们觉得不公平。很奇怪的是，人类们只比较自己缺少的那部分，从来都不比较自己拥有的。更可笑的是，人类还找借口。。。“满足是成功的阻碍。” 但是又创造了 “知足常乐”。那又有多少人真正了解 “知足常乐” 这四个字呢？
我看见每个人的心都有个黑点。或许，这黑点就是所谓的 “不满”。只要是人类，都有着这个缺点。这也是所有罪的祸根。人说，“我知道什么是满足。我觉得现在的我很满足了。” 同时，又在背后唉声叹气，怨天尤人。一句 “不公平” 足以显示出人心的不满。。。
苦行，苦行。。。其实并不苦。真正的意义是和大自然融合为一。接受一切。不去作比较。在不存在和存在之间，找到个平衡点。。。或许这智慧很高深吧。要得到这种智慧需要大量的静修和静思, 更需要恒心去面对所有发生的事，快乐的，不快乐的。。。都要一一面对。面对多了，自然就体会到了。人类都因为害怕失败，而不去面对。这样是无法成长的哦。很多人还不愿接受自己的错，遇到困难就逃避，遇到不顺就怨天怨人。。。
照照镜子吧~ 所有发生的事都是自己一手创造的。天灾躲不过，人祸可避免。就算发生了，也可以积极面对啊！
比较比较。人比人气死人。别跟别人比，跟自己比。每天照照镜子，跟镜子说，“我要比你还要好一点！” 只要每天都比昨天的自己好一点，成长就是无限的。无限是不是无敌？或许吧。。。在不和别人比较的时候，快乐自然就出现了。自己找找看吧。加油！

~Life~
will be the topic i would like to discuss. From being born, growing up, until death. Everyone have their difference. Because of this Difference, human feels unjust. Funny thing is, human only compare what they don't have with what others have and never compare what they have with what others don't have. They even find excuses, saying "Satisfaction is the enemy of success." However, human also have a saying, "Contentment is the key to happiness". How many people actually live by this saying???
I saw a dark spot in everyone's heart. Perhaps, this is the GREED of human. Every human are haunted by this Sin. Some may deny and say, "i know what is contentment and i am satisfied with what i have now." On the other hand, he or she feels depress and disappointed, blaming God, blaming others for what happen to them. A single saying, "Not Fair" is enough to show their greed.
Ascetic. Some people practise this to understand life better. Ascetic is not actually that bad. It is just to merge with Nature and understand life better. Not to compare, accept changes and adjust yourselves to meet the changes. Look for a balance in between existence and non-existence. This require lots of meditation to understand. Besides, facing problems, sadness, happiness... treat all as one. Face them with courage. This is how you grow. Fear to face failure makes people weak. Whenever they meet problems, they choose to run instead of facing it. That will not make you grow.

Look into the mirror. Tell yourselves. You can't control what is happening around you but you can control what is happening to you!

Comparing is a bad practice. Business wise, comparing can be done. When it comes to human. Comparing with others is the cause of hatred. Don't compare with others. Compare with yourselves. Have you ever think that if one day, your competition ran off, or your competition stop growing, you also stop growing? There is a limit to growth here. Why not make it INFINITE? Compare with yourself. Look into the mirror daily and said, "Hey there, i wanna be better than you!" If you can be better than yourself yesterday, you are a better man. None the less, you did it daily! That makes you a totally better person everyday!!! When growth is INFINITE, isn't that just INVINCIBLE? Look this up yourself. Good Luck!

Feels like stopping... But no~ Life goes on. ^^

2010-09-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

Lately, there has been tonnes of stress piling up. So heavy that it brings me headache almost every day. Headache man.
Sometimes feel tired... but, still need to hang in there. Just hope that it can be done as soon as possible. So near now. So near. It's like the last step. It may be hard, but it is worth fighting for! GOOD LUCK!
GO GO GO!

Hatred Stopped...

2010-08-31T09:36:00.001-07:00

Perhaps, it is time to stop this meaningless hatred. How much you hate, it cannot change anything. The better choice will always be to change yourself. Just like the Mirror case i talked about in the previous post.
Happiness can be so simple...
Equation
Happiness = What you need - What you want
When you want more than what you need, that makes you worry, anxious, tired, and sad sometimes when u can't get it. So, be fulfilled. This is the simplest way to be happy. But, people will say, " you are just a guy who have no dreams. " LOL? So how???
Neither way, i don't give a damn. I have my own dream to chase. What people think, i don't care. That is what the Peacecraft Prince was like before.

Found~ Not lost anymore.

Hatred Continues...

2010-08-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

The day for the Result is coming soon. Stress haunted me even more... Even feel the spirits are talking to me every night i sleep. Cooling down myself... persuading not to think so much about it.
Yes... Life is a torment. HOWEVER...
IT DEPENDS! arh? Political word. DEPENDS.
Why depends? simply because, how you see life, influence how you live your life. When you are naive, you trust everyone, this world is full of good guys. Isn't that just sarcastic?
When you think that everyone do everything for a purpose, then supposed, u are near to graduate from the University of the Society. Meaning??? Yes, you are now certified human. A human with heart of Caution. Where human call it wise. Actually, the wise will consider, but not caution. Think about it??? If you think people around you are bad, they WILL BE. Life is a MIRROR! Things happen the way you see. Yet people blame God for the mistakes and so called bad luck... No such thing. This world is Fair. Very Fair. That's why personally, i Believe in The Natural Law of Equivalent Trade. Grieve! Equality before the law... EQUAL! Believe, then it exist! BELIEVE!

Hatred for Human

2010-08-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

Recently, my hatred towards human grew anxious. Everyday, i m thinking about world destruction. Sanity is no longer in my dictionary... Sad.
SAD! Why did i become of this? There must be a reason behind this thought of massacre. The reason, i think i am clear about it. Just, it is hard to be expressed out. Things happen... Stress build up... I got tired...

Lets start off with the great 7 Sins. Pride, Wrath, Greed, Envy, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony.

Everyone own them. That is why humans are being called sinner in Christian's teaching. Yes. I agree. It is because of this Sins... Money existed. $$$
How much i hated money... how much i loved money!!!
I was thinking, since it is irrelevant to think about using "Do~Ju~Ka~Geh~Bun~Shin" + "A~Ma~Te~Ra~Su" (Naruto Terms, if u watch Naruto, u will know what is it) to destroy the world, might as well do it the relevant way. How???
GAMBLING! Use the power of 7 Sins. Greed.
Starts a gambling business. Yes. First, i can earn lots of $$$. Since i loved money, i can owned them. Second, i can burn all the money i earned. Since i hated money as much as i loved them. WHY? Why don't donate it???
Simple... Since human are GREEDY, they will use it for themselves instead of letting the money reaching the people who really need it. But, not all humans are bad? This, is questionable. The power of Money. The desire~ if there is a million dollar cash of donation, the DESIRE to get it and run... is not easy to tame.
Human... GREED FOR MORE. Because of that, Earth will be destroy. Humans... always thinking they are clever... create more... INVENT! YES! SURPASS GOD? DNA genetic... create human? so on and so for... Sad... really sad.
People who read... Please take a look and think about it. Where is the area with the most natural disaster occurring?
Where human produces and creates most, that will be the place with more disaster happening.
Human, please wake up before falling asleep permanently... The Creator is sad. Really sad.

21th July 2010

2010-07-21T09:56:00.001-07:00

Engagement Party
Wonderful, Insane, Joyful and CONGRATULATIONS to Angie + Ben, newly engaged couple.
Basically, i don't have much comment about it. They made things simple. That's perfectly good! The party was nice... Food was nice... People was nice... Everything's nice...
Even LMAO and nearly ROFL tonite.. Sanity... can never be the word to describe me tonite. Because, i lost it tonite. Class tomoro, might as well pack up and get ready for class tomoro.
GOOD LUCK WITH P LEVEL! OSH OSH! GAMBATEH NEH!

Achievement ^^

2010-02-23T06:37:00.000-08:00

Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
I finally did it! Now, it is the last paper! F8! ^^ Good Luck!

Valentine's Day + Chinese New Year

2010-02-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

14th February 2010
I spend my day with my cousins and ... totally with my cousins. LOL! Playing whole day. Does it bother me? It kind of bothers me. But i can't name it. I don't know how to spell it. So annoying. But, still, it is a 24 hours day. Past through just like that. I wonder... Should i just spend the rest of my valentines just like this? Playing and fooling around, hiding at home sleeping, so called freedom of mind and worries; or find that special someone and spent it with her?
Of course, everyone would choose to have a partner on valentine's day. Who don't? LoL! Life...
The ring is still with me. But i feel so heavy to carry it on my neck. Since it is so heavy, why i insist on carrying it wherever i go? ...
Haiz...

Soaring! for a reason...

2010-02-02T07:08:00.000-08:00

Me, Sir Z, intended to soar. Own ACCA and finish it THIS VERY YEAR! Complete Part2 this year, and complete part 3 NEXT YEAR! Wow... My dream seems so near. So near that i can even feel it. But i don't know if i really can make it... Confidence! CONFIDENCE PLEASE! LOL! Try my best, this is all i can do. DREAM CHASER! LOL! At least, completing ACCA give me confidence and courage to find u again. I wonder why i am always trying to avoid you. I feel sad doing so. I wanted to face you. LOL! ...

I wanna SIGN! and do it LOUDLY!

2010-01-27T07:19:00.000-08:00

Haih!~~~~
Haih~~~
Haih~~~
haih~~~
Haih~~~

Why wanna do so? Simply... Feel tired and annoyed. LOL! Tired of human... It was yesterday when my friends were joking about resigning from their job. Then he edit the resignation letter and changed it to to resign my post as human. LOL! That is very sarcastic. Humans... LOL! I am speechless because i myself is also a human. No wonder i hate my life. i hate human... that makes me hate myself, hate everyone... hate everything... although hatret doesn't show on me, it was built inside me... a dream so scary haunted me last night... I don't want to mention it... i don't want to remember...

Lies...

2010-01-19T23:31:00.000-08:00

Lie
In the Oxford dictionary, as a verb, it means to lay down, be in or assume horizontal position on supporting surface, rest on flat surface.
As a noun, it means intentional false statement, something that deceives.
i suppose, everyone understand the word "lie" even if i didn't flip up the dictionary and copy it here...
Lie, came from the word Life. A missing F makes Life become a Lie. In reality terms, somethings missing in your life makes your life a living false statement. Something missing, makes life a lie.
I feel thoroughly stabbed... sarcastic? It is still a painful experience, unforgettable experience. A lie can make life so miserable. People say, you can lie to the world, everyone believe in your stupid lies... but you can't lie yourself, because you know the truth. Some people tries to trick themselves... But, being the sole person who know the truth and not daring to speak it out, it tortures you. It tortures you so bad that you can't sleep at night, bad dreams haunts you. Tears follow you... grievance stays with you. Tell yourself, let it be... perhaps, it is a second of relief. But, reality is still reality...
Lie...

The prince went on a holiday trip

2010-01-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

It was a Wednesday evening when i pack my stuff and follow my family to Penang. It was early. We were sitting in the airport for nearly 4 hours waiting for the plane! LOL! 4 hours! Wonder how i make it through without laptop or anything... Boarding around 9pm and reached around 11pm. So so tired. Sleep!!!
The next day, went to Kek Lok Si, a temple... After that, went to Queensbay SHOPPING! Of course, i have no idea... Anyway, after that, it is time to wait for the plane to Langkawi! PLANE PLANE PLANE! I think i spent at least 9 hours in the airport waiting for all the flight this time. LOL! Anyway, when i reached Langkawi, the car was ready there to pick us up. We went to the hotel, then we walk outside to have our dinner. IT IS SUCH A SMALL ISLAND! OMG! the next day, we went island hopping. It is the first time in my life to sit on a speed boat and went to the other smaller islands. LOL! By the way, there is also a chance to get close up to eagles! LOL!
Hmm... Sarawak Laksa and Penang Curry Mee... ARE THE SAME! Penang Laksa and Sarawak Belacan Beehoon... Are the same... i m speechless... lol...
Summarise everything, this trip is quite fun. But tiring. I really feel tired. People say holidays are suppose to be relaxing. But for me, i feel tired. Maybe because i can't sleep well at night. LOL! Anyway, END HERE! I don feel like uploading the photos. LAZY~ LOL!

I found something interesting...

2009-12-20T06:27:00.001-08:00

I am surely speechless. To be frank, i have stopped my blog for you. It takes me weeks and months... to make this simple decision. It seems so simple when you are not in it. Try put on my shoe, and think about it. I have no idea what i did. But i hope i won't regret my choice. Life... is really tiring.

Wealth Equation ^^

2009-12-10T07:14:00.000-08:00

My mind, besides spending all my energy on preparing my exam, something also came to my mind. Why we study so hard for? Knowledge? Why want knowledge? To know all? Or? to get a good job, having a good pay? Pay? money??? So, why want money? Life!!! No money, no life. Is this the real fact? LOL! Perhaps, what we are all chasing, is wrong. Wealth. Bill Gates is the most wealthy person? I don't think so. I can too be the most wealthy person. How? So, you think i aim to earn more money than Bill Gates? Nope. I just need to learn to be fulfilled by what i have now. It came to me...

The wealth Equation

Wealth = Happiness/Value of $ needed to be fulfill*Highest value of Donation*Value of $ currently own

Since happiness cannot be measured, it will be replaced by a constant, 1. Fill in the Value that you can fill in. However, human tend to deceive themselves. So, no one gets to have the correct answer for themselves. Perhaps you think u can be truthful to yourself. Just do it. By the way, the value of $ needed to feel fulfilled means that the total value of money you needed, which includes houses, cars, phones, computers, foods, and all materials that can measured by $.

Assume i wanted 1 million dollars and the highest value of donation is 100 dollars and currently i have 100 thousand dollars. My wealth is only 10 dollars. LOL!

Assume Bill Gates wanted 1 billion dollars and he is willing to donate all his money he own now and assume he currently have 100million (of which he have billions in reality), he equation turns out to be 10millions! See how wealthy is him? If he is a scrooge, not willing to donate, the wealth will reduce.

What important! is the value u needed. The lower the value, the wealthier you will be. Perhaps, when money does not exist, everyone can be wealthy. ^^

The Prince will be back!

2009-10-31T08:28:00.000-07:00

Prince Peacecraft is now going to hide himself from internet. That also mean that i'll be stopped from playing games. LOL! Hope that i will success in my quest for ACCA achievement. This coming December exam, i must emerge victorious! WoohoO! My fellow ACCA quest Comrades, wish everyone ALL THE BEST! May all of us fight the war with honour and respect, try our very BEST! !!! Good Bye! Temporarily... ^^

Missing once again...

2009-10-29T01:05:00.000-07:00

What is missing? Who is missing?
LOL! This question, depends on how you look at it. Me? Or is it something that belongs to me? Or is it just something that i wanted and i never get it? LOL! Either way, there is no solution for this question now. But, one thing for sure, i am gonna be missing for some time.
Lately, i have been moody. The phrase " I hate my life!" is coming to my head so often now. Of which, i don't like it. "Hang on!" Another phrase that i hated, also came afloat. "FIGHT!" Again... this is what i am running from that makes me so weak to even try to think about it. So tired that i really wanna find myself a coffin and sleep in it for a year or so to avoid facing problems temporarily. Coward! This is what i called myself. Because i never face them. When i face them, i run. What do u call someone who keep running from problems? Coward! I don't like being called one. Stand and fight! But that is not what i do all the time. I run... Run away from problems... pitiful weakling. Dreams of success is so fragile that it may break any seconds. Yesterday in class while lecturer was teaching, i day dream again. Where was it? I feel like touching my dream car, Lamborghini Gallardo. The engine sound roaring so fine and strong that... Forget it...

The Time Chronosphere

2009-09-22T05:42:00.000-07:00

The clock hanging on the wall,
is just a device telling hours, minutes and seconds.
Ever notice a waterfall,
water came crashing but time passing cannot be noticed.
If time can go backwards,
a waterfall will still seems to be the same.
Something that had happened,
will stay the same no matter how you try to mend.
Why do people wants a time machine,
to go back in time and attempt to change the past?
Why do people want to go back in time,
to face the same mistakes made and sadness all over again?
What meant to happen happens,
as time only move forwards and never goes backwards.
So why reminisce our failure and regrets,
while we still can change our future by our action now?
But remember to look back,
as it is what that makes us now.
It is our past mistakes,
that makes us stronger and live better.
Time Chronosphere?
It is just something people use to dream,
to run away from problems they are facing now!

What happen next?

2009-08-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

Updates...
What's all this about. Firstly... exam. Few days ago, i was like... worried what is the outcome of the exam. In the end... I pass all 3 papers 1 go. Happy? =.= Of course i am. But happiness can be so short... so very short... 5 minutes? 10 minutes? =.=''' people celebrate whole day... perhaps whole week... me? I feel nothing. Wonder why? I just remember my promise to God. I swore to be a half vegetarian if i pass 3 papers 1 go this time. This is what i get. Thank God...
Of course, this is also my sacrifice. Something lost, something gain. Still remember the time without computers? 1 month some more? The misery... But human... When they achieve something, they tend to forget. Lately, i keep reminding myself. You come this far, because of how much u sacrifice. This is what you earn. If you don't keep it up, you will FAIL again. Pressure? hmm... somehow, i feel pressure. Who give me this pressure? Myself. LOL! Am i simply stupid or what?
Everyone... sees me... "CONGRATULATION! U r so LUCKY, so PRO pass 3 papers 1 go."
=.=''' Sianz... Of course, i can just say... thank you. Some of them, even think i am proud. They sees me as an enemy or what? Anyway, i don't care. I don't care. I am just happy being ME! Haih... if i really don't care, i won't feel such misery. Why do i have to change, to be so sensitive?
Shouting out LOUD~ I MISS THE OLD ME! I MISS MYSELF!
Who don't give a damn of what the damn hell is happening around me.
Who don't give a damn how others think of me.
Who is so damn self centered.
Who only wanted to win so badly that is willing to sacrifice nearly everything to achieve my goal.
Yes... Me, My Own, Myself!!!
But... fact is... i m not me anymore. =.=''' No longer me... because... i care. i care how others look at me.
Back to the exam result. Getting such result, i should be over the sky. But, i feel jz the opposite. I m in deeper pressure. What will be my next step? What should i do next? Life... is full of choices.
LoL. 1 super funny thing is that, i feel sad. even cried for no reason. Suppose there is a reason. Only i don't seems to know it. Or it is just that, i can release some steam? hmm...
What Happen Next?

Nice song... ><

2009-08-17T21:22:00.001-07:00

Rough Sea

2009-07-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Life is like a boat.
When we were young, we are floating on the river. It is easy for us to find a place to stop for some rest and repair.
Soon, we got fed up with the small place to play. So, we leave the river and went into a bigger river. On the way, there were jetties and land nearby. The current is slow and steady. Some, may faces fast current due to the rain, some may just stay the same.
The older we get, the bigger boat we have. We starts to wonder what is out there. So, we go further. Out into the straits. Straits are protected by the strong winds. We find a place to land when we get tired. But none the less, the journey doesn't end.
Now we were growing older. The boat have become a little bigger. So grow, some don't. This will need to depend on the users, us. How much we learn and how much stronger we made ourselves.
Time for the open sea. When we were out in the open sea, there is no place to rest. No jetties nearby. What to do? Hang in there... Some, may abandon boat. Some, may just cling on. Some, didn't go far, just stay near the starting point to keep safe. But none the less, everyone have to learn so we can survive the open sea. Waves... thunderstorm... Those who learn and grow their ships, will be stronger therefore staying alive is more easy. But a small boat, can also survive. As long as you try. It maybe hard, but it is possible. After the storm, is the calm sea. Then it is time to self repair your tiny boat and look for a harbor or Jetty to stop for improvement.
Life goes on...
Until your boat is old, rusty. Then it is time... But i believe, for such a long time. Destination, your dream, can however be achieved. Even if you didn't, as long as you tried, it is enough a memory to reminisce...

Untitled... Because i have no idea what to name it yet.

2009-07-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes what you see,
you think it's everything.
Sometimes what you see,
may not be anything.
When and where will facts and truth come true?

When you believe,
facts and truth exist.
When people believe,
everything subsist.

Fact is Fact,
but none is real.
Because we believe,
they exist.

Discover this,
found out that,
scientists discover the facts.
If none believe,
facts never become facts.

Man can't fly,
but man believe.
So man flies,
dreams no longer are dreams!

If life...

2009-06-27T20:45:00.001-07:00

If I wish upon a star,
will my dreams come true?
If i wish and pray with hope,
will i be disappointed with what to come?

What if i never leave so far,
i would never lose so much.
But since what done is done,
there is nothing i can do to undone.

Maybe it is fate or destiny,
so just let it be and follow the way.
It is your choice,
it is what you choose,
so don't blame others for letting you loose.

If i ever get to choose again,
i would never choose this way,
to pick a road i never enjoy.
If so many if existed,
there will be neither regret nor wrong...

Update!!!

2009-06-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

WOOOO!!! Exam is finally over and... I get my Laptop back! YIPPEEE! == Actually i don't know how should i feel now. Worried for my result...
Anyway, Updates... May was DEVASTATING! It is like the worst time of my life... STRESS! Days with computer is really... MY GOD. NUTS! DRIVE ME NUTS! LOL!
Erm... just to tell everyone. I AM BACK! LOL! Wonder if this is real... i don't think i am really BACK yet. Since... 1 month time without comp... some how, some what use to it. So, may not be online so often. DAILY ROUTINE LIFE WITHOUT COMP!!!!

!MIA!

2009-04-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

~MIA~
This word may be Malaysia Institute of Account.
This word may be Missing In Action.
LOL! Since both of it kind of relates to me... Lets make it clear. Hopefully, i can become a member of MIA when i turn 23...
Besides, I am going MIA starting May because... my line will be disconnected for 1 month. LOL! I suppose this is one best way to stop me from online and try to spend more time with my dear account books.=.= Yuck~ wanna vomit blood edi... blah blah blah... Why i take account anyway... duh~
Anyway, i won't regret my choice although i hate it. Try my best~ wish me lucK!

Tired Mind..

2009-03-04T05:38:00.000-08:00

I am tired of hanging on... my soul is tired of hanging on...
Always have i tried to hang on with the support of everyone around me... i feel happy, because there are people that care...
Always have i hang on to achieve what other support me to do... i feel of some worth of myself...
But i am tired... If there is no more voices calling out to me, to hang in there... can i even stand 1 more seconds on my own out there?

Off Track

2009-02-25T22:17:00.001-08:00

Have you ever feel tired of keeping on running in the track, aiming to achieve your goal?
Life is like a battle. This world is full of competitions. Anything can be taken to be competed against.
Recently, i was... competing against myself? Have you ever feel that, when you had always been able to finish the race to the end reaching the goal, when everything was running smoothly... you have always been winning... Even when you feel tired, there is always a voice there, telling you to hang in there... You will always be trying your best to reach it. Even if it tires you out, you will feel that it is worth it and every time, you get what you want from the effort you put in.
Feel this before?
I suppose everyone does... just that, sometimes, some don't. No matter how much hard work they put in, they get nothing. Pessimism. But i cannot deny this truth. Some people are just born to be this bad luck. It is the heart that keep them going, living on happily.
Have you ever feel that you got kicked out off track... where you always have been running smoothly and was like always the champ but end up losing everything in a game?
I feel so now. This feeling is all over... No matter how much i hate to compete, i still continue to run... why? Why did i continue even if i hate it? WHY? Because, i hate losing. Even in something that i dislike, i will still want to own it. Because i don't like to lose to others. This is a very bad personality that i own of which i really hate.
But, seems like i had lost it when i got dropped out of the race. Giving up? I think so... But i have been telling myself not to give up no matter what i do. Yes. Good Spirit. When you are going after something you don't have interest in, there is no energy that let you hang on. Just like you love fish but you are hunting for crab, is there any energy for you to continue to hunt for crab when none of it came? =.=''' C'mon...
I seems to be suffering from deep pressure lately. But no... that is not true. It is just a small conflict within me. When i finally know of my interest and i am hanging on to something that i have no interest in but keep hanging on just to show that i never give up, just to show that i am no weakling. BullShit! Rubbish! What thrash is this!
Every degree worth big buck. But if there is no LUCK, you will be just a human, working for small company, earning a small salary, just like everyone else do. What's the difference anyway? We all are humans. No matter what degree you take, if that is what you like, you will put your effort in it. Success. Is there anything to measure success? Is it measured with kilogram? Meters?? Give me a break. Luck... talking about luck... even someone who never study can earn big buck... Degree, Master, PhD... Bullshit~ It is just merely a piece of paper. Certificates... it is worthless. What worth most? Money~~~ Even if you carry a PhD in your hand and stay unemployed... You still go and EAT GRASS. Rubbish. Why do people nowadays treat this papers as gold... my god...
knowledge... this is what it counts. NOT THE PAPER! Some certs are even fake... =.=''' Fake certs... that person maybe a PhD, but without the knowledge of a PhD, still a rubbish.
But who even cares... It is still the status of life that everyone care. MONEY~ Who cares what PhD you are, how much you can make? This is the real question.
This is a very realistic world. Even i feel sick of it. Money...
money...
sick of it...

Cannot handle it... =.=

2009-02-21T21:43:00.000-08:00

Ever since i start on with the rules... i was able to only hang on with monday to friday. Saturday and sunday... LOL! Was like out of the topic. Firstly, Saturday, i go and play and was like so tired that i need to sleep more on sunday of which i said i need to wake up on 7 of which i woke up at 8 due to my parents waking me up for breakfast. =.=''' first penalty for not waking up at 7. 2nd penalty for not going to jog or basketball. Then, after breakfast, when i reached home, i go to sleep again. =.=''' 3rd penalty for not studying a.k.a. doing revision when i reached home. 4th, i did study for awhile and stopped for some rest again soon. See, 4th... and now... 5th... of which i on the computer. So, just a Sunday, i got 5 penalty. =.=''' So, this means... i think i need to change a bit on the weekends part.
LOL! Give myself more time to rest. Wahahaha! Saturday and Sunday for resting!!! WOOH!!!! YEAH!!!! Wahahaha! among 7 days a week, 2 days for rest, should be ok what... LOL! Of course, the sleep time cannot be changed. So...
Just increase 1 more day for rest. LOL! ^^ However, Must continue the hard work! Because, the major rule cannot be change unless permitted by a simple majority of 4/5 of Mr.Z. LOL!
=.=''' Wonder how long can i stand this insanity...
Anyway, there is no way back. Only can move ahead. MUST PASS AND EARN MY PRIZE!

Determination

2009-02-17T00:29:00.000-08:00

Since yesterday, 16th February 2009, after i saw my result, i collapse. Why? Simple. Because i failed all my papers i attempted. How can this happen? Reason is simple too. I didn't put in much effort to study. It is purely my own fault that they, The Examiners have the opportunity to fail me. My fault.
What can i do to make up to myself now?
What can i do? I was crying in my pillow yesterday. I can't sleep. I know, fact is a fact, nothing can change. I failed all my papers. I disappoint my parents, i disappoint my lecturer, i disappoint myself... what a shame... So what? It is the past. Can you go back in time and change it? NO! So why brooding over the past and stay down crying? Can cry help you pass? NO! So, after having the whole day of emo yesterday, today... i give myself a promise. I cannot change the past, but I CAN DECIDE MY FUTURE! So, today, i made a promise. Tonight, i will tell my parents about my failure. I will give myself restrictions. What type of restriction? Simple.
I will be penalize RM1 for every once i break the rule.

3 simple rules(weekdays)
1. I must wake up for breakfast every morning at 7 and start revision on 8am.
2. I cannot touch the TV, Computer until 10pm and must go to bed before 1230am.
3. I must spend at least 4 hours on the 3 subjects everyday.
3 simple rules(weekends)
1. Saturday is the only day for rest and do whatever i want but must sleep before 12am.
2. I must wake up 7am on Sunday and go play basketball or jog unless it rains.
3. I must do revision when i reach home and only allowed to touch the computer until 10pm and must go to bed before 1230am.
1 major rule
This June i will take 3 papers and must pass without failing one paper. Fail one, i will suspend myself from the computer and TV for 10 years.

Besides, i cut my hair bald to remind myself about what i do. My mistake, my fault... my stupid fault... my fault... There is no turning back now. I cannot forgive myself for failing this 2 papers either.
These rules will take effect starting 18th February 2009. This may seems cruel... but no pain no gain. This is real. My friends all at least pass 1 paper while i fail all. Such a disgrace...
End here. Anyone who visit and know of my rules, if you see me breaking any of these rules, please tell me too. Anyone who see this may penalize me if i break any of the rules above.
I am gonna print it out and stick it on the wall so every family members can see and keep an eye on me.

I just Realised that i still love BASKETBALL! XD

2009-02-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! Yippee! It was just yesterday, 14th Feb, so called Valentine's day, i was dated. @@ Opps. Wrong wording. Ban Leong asked me to join his "Man Party" of which i denied and go for a basketball game with The Sim brothers.
I never touch the ball since i start studying in FTMS. I suppose that was like 2 or 3 years ago?? I do know that once in a blue moon, i will go play basketball with ban leong. But, it is really really rare for me to go play basketball ever since i started on my accounting course. That should be my fault for not going on Sunday morning, of which i usually do years ago. I have always been waiting for them to ask me to go for a basketball game. But none came. Anyway, never mind. They are busy too.
14th Feb, i finally get my chance! Woo! The Sim brother asked me to go play. So, i followed. 6pm, we went to the stadium. We start of warming up a little and... i totally lost my touch... =.=''' 10 shoots, 10 misses. LOL! What a disgrace. I don't even look like i am a basketball player before... 2 years didn't touch the ball, can cause so much??? Impossible!
So, after some warming up... so called... we started off with 3v3. Erm... i was like and extra. I was affraid of the ball. =.=''' My God... Then... when more of them come... we play full court. That, is when i finally earn my grasp of the ball back. Finally get the feel back. LOL! Kai, the Sarawak representative in basketball will always try to pass me the ball and ask me to go... too bad i always disappoint him. Then, i keep on telling myself to be more daring. So, the next one he passes to me... i was on the go. I dash to the opponent's side and attempted my first "dunk"... someone came up in front and blocked, then, i was scared to head on and knock him, so i fall backward. Injured! LOL! I sprain my ankle... But after the injury... i feel more and more into the game. LOL!!! That is when i start to do what i like to do most, run and go for a score without any stop. Anyway, since i got my feet injured... i just played another 2 game and stopped and be an audience. LOL! They are all so pro... haih~ i feel so petite playing with them. Total score for the 3 games... out of all, 5 attempts, 4 went in. Woohoo! Not bad result right? haha...Wonder why i was affraid at first... LOL! Although all are close range shoots... Anyway, in a game, every score is important. Haha!
I really love basketball. I still love basketball. I am gonna join them again the next week. Sure i will. LOL! Despite the injury, i feel that it is worth it. I get my basketball spirit back. haha!

I don't want to change!

2009-02-09T00:19:00.000-08:00

It was just funny for me... when people ask me... why are you still using the same hand phone, using the same online game name, having the same bluetooth name? Why must i change? I don't want to change.
My mum did ask me do i want a Nokia N95 for my birthday present. But i rejected. I don't know why. I don't want to change my phone. =.=''' I am sure that all of you will say i am an idiot. N95 wor!!! Super phone compared to the Nokia 6630 i am using now... Actually, this phone was with me for years. I suppose it had followed me for more than 2 years. Besides, i earn it with my own part time salaries and saving. That time, it cost me RM1k... But that is not the point, it just, followed me for so long that i don't feel like changing it. I never want to change it. NEVER! Don't ask me why. Because i don't know why too.
Why still Tallgeese3? A lot of people was asking me this... No why, because i just like it. I don't want to change too. Tallgeese3... a gundam i like since my early secondary school. Even until now, i still keep it. Tallgeese is still with me. Just that it is now in a box... Even if it died and need to be dumped, it still stays in my heart...
I was unable to sleep last night. I don't know why. Many things come into my mind. If i am given a set of amount of date of survival, meaning, after some times later, i will die, what will i do? This question is not a tough question for me. I don't even have to think long to give an answer to this. Pessimistic! Death is far from me. Why think death? But anyway, my answer to this question was so clear that my mind was blanked... Guessing what is my answer? That's a secret. ^^
The whole night was spend meaninglessly. I didn't sleep... then in the end, i decide to wake up and do some revision rather than wasting time on the bed not sleeping...
Pessimistic doesn't fit me. I am a cheerful one. So, this won't bother me long. ^^ hehe...

I really love this song!

2009-02-09T00:10:00.000-08:00

This song had win my heart since the day i first listen to it. It was so many years ago. That time i was not so into listening to music. But i still can remember this song. Lately i miss it really much. So i took my time, looking for it in sogou, haoting, baidu. Shockingly, i can't find it. I was about to give up... Then i tried youtube. Finally i found it in youtube. Thank God~ But i really hope i can get an MP3 Version of this song... anyone who had it, please tell me the link to the download. Many thanks ^^

The song got really nice meaning. ^^

A Super Sunday!

2009-02-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Super Sunday? What do i mean by this?
This story begins with... I was playing maplesea with Rachel. Since it will be her last day on maple for now, so, i stay up and play with her the whole night. =.=''' It was 530 in the morning when i go to bed. Wah! 530am!!! That's already morning! Anyway, i did sleep directly. I was having dreams for this late sleep. I am dreaming about Sing Ying. My god~ How come she came into my dream? Thought it would be maplesea. Since i played maple the whole night. LOL! But no, it was her that came into my dream. I feels like i spend the whole day with her. @@ Of course, in the dream. LOL! I woke up so so so late today. See why i call this a super sunday? Because i spend the day sleeping... 4pm then i woke up. The sun was already setting on me. =.='''
Anyway, i don't remember the dream. It feels so real that i really do feel as if i was spending the whole day with her. @@ My god~
ANYWAY!!! I woke up at 4pm... i can't believe myself too... 4pm...
Then only i knew that we will be going to my uncle's for celebration of "Chap Goh Mei" =.=''' WTF!
So, i go clean up, bathe, and prepare myself. Then i receive sms from Kai Wei, My dear sis that came back from Australia. =.=''' My God! I am invite to go to her house. She is having a gathering!!! I am sure that a lot of old buddies will be going. So sad i can't join...
So, i went to my uncle's house. But that is not a regret going there. I had a really nice dinner there. LOL! Have i told you that my cousins are great cooks? Haha.
I forget to take pictures of them. Too bad can't show you my handsome and beautiful cousins. Hehe... One of my cousin was taking photo all over the place. She just came back from Australia too. LOL~ So, might as well be a statue. Wahaha~ Then we all exchange msn and emails... I go home at around 9pm. Then Michael Liak, the old buddy called. We went out for some supper. That means, i am going out. =.=''' So, we find a place to sit down and drink. Then chit chat chit chat whole night. =.=''' Super Sunday, i only live for the night today...
A really super sunday... i miss my friends gather...
A really SUPER SUNDAY! I wasted my time sleeping whole day...
A Really Really SUPER SUNDAY! I spend the whole morning dreaming...
=.='''
Anything special lately? Not quite... Sorry for not updating much. I suppose i was lazy to come here and start blogging on stupid daily lifes that is not interesting and kind of meaningless too. LOL!!!
Do my readers want to read boring stuff? I don't think so too. Right? Hahahha~ So that's it for now!

First Day of Class

2009-01-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

It is me again. See the title?
Haha! Suppose everyone do. I am back to school again. First day. Lets make a simple report and feedback on how is the class.
Overall it is nice. Since there are only 9 person in class, so that is like so few people and the lecturer can attend to everyone 1 by 1, that makes the teaching more effective. Good!
The Lecturer is a friendly person. So... that gives credit to the teaching too. LOL!
Besides, the stlye of teaching is so damn cool. It force the enthusiasm of students to complete their homework. How? No answers will be given to those who didn't send in their homework. !!! My God!
Classmates are all very quiet and nice. Most important of all is that no extra noise and, they ask quite some questions, making it really nice for me as i have no need to ask much. XD
So... lets conclude it. Overall Rank A-. XD
Why? Because, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FRIENDS!!! Got them then is A+ already. XD Anyway, having A- is already nice right. Anyway, it is too early to judge too. Need to take back what i said earlier =X
A few more classes then maybe i can tell. Now it is really a bit too early to decide. LOL!
Anyway, something came to my mind though. Destiny. If you notice, i had added something new to My Motto Column. Did you Notice?
If no, don't worry. I will type it here again. LOL!
!You are not born to be who you are, you yourself decides and makes who you are!
This has come to my mind quite some time now. Maybe putting it out may give me more strength to overcome more obstacle. Who knows what may happen?
Think i should stop here. Haha! Getting some sleep and prepare for tomorrow's challenge. Good Night everyone!

Boring Days~

2009-01-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

Schools had started few days already while i, The Special One stills "loiter" at home. LOL! I should be studying or working by now! Better than staying at home and rot. =.='''
Anyway, This coming Friday will be my first class. Hmm... wonder how and what will i be studying this coming Friday? It is not for me to decide though. Haha! Anyway, let's just get ready for Friday.
I am yet to receive any phone call from Horwath... Wonder am i dropped out from the resume? LOL! Maybe the procedures require some little time. XD That's the reason why i am not receiving any phone call yet. Maybe it will ring tomorrow or a bit later but sure it will be in January and start off work in February. I hope that is what is really happening now. LOL! It is also kind of odd to start off at mid Jan right?
Lately what i do was ~Wasting Time~
I should allocate my time well, revise F5, do some work out and not just sit there whole day and day dream or even let my mind blanked! Didn't move my brain at all. Just hope that it will not hang or malfunction when time comes to study and work. XD
Wonder if i can coupe with it? I think i should get myself busy on something and stop thinking craps. Or maybe should i get something to do. Focus on some mathematics or something rather than brain stop on something that is not giving much worth. LOL!
Suppsoe this will be the full stop for this blog now. LOL! Hope that tomorrow can be spent meaningfully. LOL!

Applying for Work

2009-01-02T05:17:00.000-08:00

Haha!!! Ola amigos~
It has been awhile. 2009 has come. A new Year... a new life. LOL!
I am applying to work with Horwath. Wonder how is the outcome. This will be a turning point of my life as my life style sure will change 75% at least.
No longer sleep late, wake late, play late, and may even stop my games. LOL!!! And... income and burden... more stress to handle.
So... How will it be? Only when the time comes, i will know. Getting worried sometimes... am i able to coupe with the new life or will i collapse?
Anyway, there is no choice to make. If it is to change, i MUST do it. LOL!
MUST! LOL! No space for failure. Pushing so hard? Haha... Of course... i have to try to bring the best of me. So i can fulfill my dreams. As to everyone is looking down on me, i will be telling everyone... i am not a weakling. And to those who looked down on me, i will use my action to tell them that i am better than anyone of u. LOL! >< joking... just that i also demand respect.
hahahA! Wish me all the best! >.< Strive for Excellency!

HolidayS!

2008-12-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

So sorry was not updating this blog for such a long time. Was only posting on the other blog i had. LOL!
I started my holiday on 2nd December. Went to Damai on 7th. XD I went with my cousins. My parents didn't come. So it was like... wah, only us "children" XD!!!
No photo taken T_T sad sad...
Anyway, i still recall, after i came home on 8th, i on Maplesea and Train FULL DAY! Up quite a lot of levelS! LOL!
After that, was quite full of dinners. Had my uncle's on 10th (if i didn't remember wrong), went to my mum's office Annual dinner on 19th, and got some that i can't remember that date. Was like eating eating eating!!! LOL!!!
Sometimes, Chris may come to Kuching and find me to go around "lepak lepak" with him. LOL! Everytime go out with him sure spend quite an amount. =.='''
Then only recently, the Alvins find me. LOL! They are both named Alvin, only different sir name. XD so i called them The Alvins! XD
Boring holiday. No much of a travel. Just stay at home, play games. Anyway... School is starting soon. 2009!!!!
so quick! and what i achieve? don't ask. ==!
Haha!
Think i stop here. LOL!
For now~ XD

I saw You...

2008-11-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

Saturday... Today was suppose to be home immediately after school. But my dad called and tell me that i had to wait... And at them same time... Chris came to Kuching to find us for some FUN. So... i told my dad not to come fetch me as i will go home later.
We went to The Spring. A Mega-Mart. I was not thinking about anything else... and Daniel was so happy about buying himself a MP3. So, we followed. I was feeling alone when he was looking for the MP3 while i just look around... I saw... i saw someone who look alike her. Yes... but i am certain. i am wrong. Because there is difference. But that make me think of her... That reminds me how much i miss her... i really do... i am stupid. Very stupid to let go. But it was a good choice. I am no longer the one who was so competence. Now i am useless. Without any courage... filled with competency... It is now out of the topic for me. Even i look down on myself now. There is no future with me. So i had to let go... Brush myself up before i wanna go to her again...
Deep inside... i still wish... i still hope... i can see you... But just from afar. I don't want you to see me now in this stat... i am weak and useless now...
After Daniel got his MP3, we went to the cafeteria for lunch. I had a quick lunch... and Chris say he wants more... so we go to Sugarbun. =.='''
That time, i was still ok... very happy indeed... because the gang was so funny that i forget all my worries...
Until i saw you again...
This time... for real... it is you...
thank GOD... i really saw you... it is really you... you had become prettier. Yes... you did... the moment i saw you... there is an urge to go forward to say hi... but i dare not move... and dare not approach... i even hide... HIDE!
COWARD!!!
=.=''' i damn myself... i really damn myself at that moment... cause i lost the chance of talking to her. i really miss you... now i see you... i dare no go to you... my heart sink... it is already in the bottom of the sea... but... i was sad... sorrow... yet happy... the feelings is like so annoying... happy + sad... it make one crazy...
u left... you left... i thought i cannot see you again...
So... stop brooding over the emotions of happy + sad... i join in their childish and funny chat again. But the mood is no longer there... i was already some where else... my soul is lost...
Yes... soul is lost...
Something that i believe... Fate... Destiny...
i saw you... God give me what i want...
And... he gave me more...
you appear just in front of me... that time... i am... shocked... stunned... and... i don't know what to do... a feel so sorry... so so sorry... i don't know why...
but i feel happy... so so happy that i wanted to hug you. But that is impossible. i dare not do that anymore...
i am not me... not the me i am before... i am now weak... weaker than anything.......

But did manage to bring out the last few breathe of courage... attempted to talk to you. Since you had saw me... i need to talk. We said hi... and i was hoping to say more... but was always hiding. Me... running away! A short hi... and a simple good bye...
i don't hear her voice... because it was so noisy there... but i can feel her thoughts. i see her smile... ^^ i am happy to see that. yet i feel sad... because i m not the one anymore... i give this up myself... A good bye i didn't say... just wave my hand...
Then thats it... bye bye...
i saw you... and i left... thats it...
...
...

I'm missing you like breathing air

2008-10-31T01:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know why... i was thinking about you whole morning. Today is Friday... Yes... a Friday. Usually a Friday is a day i like quite much. But today... there's a seminar this morning. So i have to wake up early. And oddly... i wake up on my own. I think had a dream... Yes... i did had a dream. But i was not able to remember what is happening. And i woke up.
I didn't start to miss you until after the Seminar. Because, after the seminar, i walk at Sarawak Plaza... Tun Jugah... And here comes... my memory... They rush in... and i can see you in me. Feels like illusion is playing in front of my eyes. And i had been quiet all along. Trying to forget... Trying not to think. And good thing... my mum was cleaning the house... i was helping. Was busy helping... keep myself as busy as possible... so that i will not think. Yes... it did help...
But when i clean up my room... i saw the things. The items... It came to me... all came to me... Even the ticket for the movie that we had for the first time we date... was still with me... i wonder why i kept it... All came back to me... i see everything again... But still... i manage to throw it into the rubbish bin. I am not good. I am not prepared. I am not the best. But i will try to be the best of me... before i come back for you. I am selfish... I don't want you to burden me up. I am even evil, to let you go and hurt you... Yes... i am bad... I am sorry... But i will try to make up to u... No... is make up to myself... Because... my dream consist of you. Without you in it... it is not a dream anymore. It is not my future anymore... or should i look for a new future???
Not yet... No! i will not give up so easily. Where is the Zechs last time who is not going to give up easily? Who is always prepared for battle? I'm missing you... i'm missing you...

Stupidity...

2008-10-24T11:33:00.001-07:00

I had done something stupid again... Yes... Stupid... Maybe it is not only stupid... it is bad. Maybe it is because i miss her so badly that i again... go into the friendster profile to look for her... and even... worst... i log in her msn to see her mail. SO BAD! I AM SO BAD! man... How am i going to get over this!!!
Why? already 1 month+... Still like that. Can go die... no mood... This moody problem will cost me... And games. Duh!!! I am so into gaming nowadays that i totally ignore my studies... SO terrible of me!!! why become like that? Ever since we broke up... i was unable to do what i intended to... It become worst... Seems like i had make a wrong decision...
My stupidity had cost me. I think i can let u go... and concentrate better. But no... backfired... i even got even worst. Indulge myself in games... At start was to release stress... then... seems like it never work... keep getting more and more into it... to get some sort of happiness... short term happiness...
My heart really ache once in a while. But never will i cry. Maybe cause i had sunk my heart into the deep... but it hurts. Now... it hurts...
What to do? Nothing. What must i do? Solve this... How? THINK!!!

DurianS!

2008-10-20T10:58:00.001-07:00

This SPECIAL piece is for~
The DURIAN DINNER!
Monday! 20th October 2008!

i was having lunch... just soup and rice. LOL... I didn't expect much for dinner... But 5pm, when my dad came home... he called me to go down help carry some durians up. Ok... maybe he lazy carry. or maybe he cannot carry all. So i go down lo...
When i go down... i saw the car bonnet was full of Durians!!! =.='''
OMG! 13 in total. BIG ONE SOME MORE!
I like Durians anyway. XD So... Tonight sure is eat durian lo. Just didn't think that it will be my dinner. LOL!
Then after carry the Durians up, i go bathe... so heavy u know... And spiky! Got problem carry "them" up.
When my mum came home... i asked what's for dinner... she answer... Durians of course. LOL!!!
No rice... No soup... No vege... NO MEAT!!! =.=''' Durians...
Think i don't need to talk much. LOL! My mouth sure stinks now. XD
But i still like Durians despite the smell. Hehe...
Of course, didn't eat all of it. So full after just eating 2. Of course whole family eat together la. In total we cracked 6 Durians. =.=''' 4 people take 6. PRO lei~ hehe...
Ok la... This is all for the Durian dinner... i feel a bit hungry now... no meat... bei tahan!
haha! Just joking. Maybe go cook maggie mee. hehe. 2am lo... still eat... XD
Anyway... maybe sleep then no need to eat. Good Nights! XD

The Evolution~

2008-10-17T02:45:00.000-07:00

I went to the barber today. XD
That should say the whole picture. I changed my hair style. Of course, i make it big changes so that it will be more significant and more "noticeable". LOL!!! Joking... Just Cut my hair short short. Thats all.
It is not that i wanted to forget anything... It is just that i wanted to cut it short so that it is more simple for me to manage it. Since it is short, there is no need for much "make-up" to do. XD
Anyway, i don't like to spend a lot of time on "making-up" as well... So~ time consuming.
It was quite rush anyway... Only around 3 something then my dad called me and ask me whether i want to go to the barber or not. Of course i wanted to!!! LOL!!! Hair so long already. So... i went...
Forget to mention...
I think i saw her today. Just after the haircut... Maybe she went to Pei Chen's house. Today is Friday what... But of course... It may not be the right one. I might see wrongly... But i think it is true... LOL!!! Anyway... It is not a mistake to miss someone. Right? ^^
Ok... lets just call it an end here first... Will update when i feel like updating. XD Need to go to class too... 6 already...

All comes around, goes around~

2008-10-14T03:09:00.000-07:00

Time is passing by fast. Really fast. That time wa considering whether or not to take the exam. But now, i am worrying how to face the exam. >.<
I had enrolled for 2 papers. F4, Law paper and F6, Tax paper. These 2 are the only 2 papers that i have some little confidence in taking. Hmm... I suppose u guys will ask why ACCA student, Accountants study law? This question may not be an easy one. Because i also don't understand why? Hahaha!!!
But anyway, it is good to study Law... I did find it quite interesting as it is fun. At least u can gain some law knowledge. Good when u go to the community. Good when you go out to work. Hahaha... I am now in school, using some of my extra time before class to type this... So it is like quite a rush... Since i never update my blog for quite some time, i may need to update it now. I just visited Rachel's Blog. Hehe... Oh Rach~ i can see that you are also quite busy with your life too. XD Good thing. Go on girl!
Hahaha!!!
I had my own problems to confront. And of course i will try my best to face it. I will stand up again. Face everything that comes. It may not be easy, but i will try my best. ^^ I had faced even harder one last time, now, should not be a big problem.

Updates~
Lately was only focusing on the other blog. I will be blogging every night at 12am just for that blog cause that is the only time when a new day started. Was quite packed lately, as the class is getting more and more intense, and the assignment was tedious. Anyway, did manage to complete it in 1 night of time. XD
The so called insane is still insane. That's me. XD
I choose to sacrifice sleep for assignment. Of course, i can also choose to sacrifice gaming time for assignment, but gaming time is like gold. XD So thats why, i feel really tired lately. My dreams...
hmm... Was not happy to have dreams. But anyway, i will take it. Just got one this morning... But just a few seconds. I feel happy though. Don't know why... Just feel happy to see her... LOL!!!

Anyway, i cannot remember what happen after awaken.

Time to go now... ^^ See ya Peacecraft Kingdom!

A dream...

2008-10-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

Today morning, i woke up in ... tears... =.='''
Why? Because i dream of her. So... odd... it was back in time... when in secondary school... but the situation is still the same as now... we was in the same class... she was just sitting a row next to me... with her friends... i wanted to look at her... but i was afraid to look at her if she is sad... but, i over heard, she is really angry... she is complaining to her friend that i break my promise... i don't wanted to... i am also very sad for this...
Since i feel very miserable sitting there... i changed class. But without notifying the teacher... during recess, i pack my bag and go to C class... ( i was in A class)... I downgrade myself... ... ... going to a class which is more like a weaker class... i still remember i said something very... childish... "i only do what i wanted to do!" He was speechless when i say this... i was so... sad and miserable after listening to what she said... because i feel sad too... i feel that i am useless... i cannot handle our relationship and my study at the same time... so... after a few minutes in class... i again packed my bag and run off the class. Suddenly feeling dizzy and totally without strength... Since there is always a small period to swap class... i walk away from school... =.=''' i am already not normal already... i NEVER DO SUCH A THING!!!! =.=''' i am ready feeling big disgrace and totally shameful of this act... I actually ran away from problems...
Then... while i was going off... she and her gang was following me... she asked her friend to get me a pack of tissue. @@
It was opened... and... feel a bit odd. It contains tissue of course, and a few rm5 and rm10 notes... suppose it was a total of rm 25 or 30... i don't understand what that means... but i was bad... i keep walking off... i never look back, i never stop... was giddy on the way and i do feel that i was not able to walk in straight line... =.='''
But... i was left alone... after i am out of the school compound... ... ...
Alone...
I just don't understand... what is that money for? is it that our relationship only worth this much??? or is it that you are still being caring, worried about me, asking me to go to a doctor? i feel sad though... no matter whichever is the answer... i feel sad...
Wake up in tears... i cannot forget what just happened... 12 noon now... i slept until 12 noon... it was just like the time during secondary study hours, on Friday, our class until around 12 noon...
... speechless...

I created a new blog, specially for her...

2008-10-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

I had started a new blog, just for her... That blog will be my diary, starting on the day we break up... It has already been 11 days...
But anyway, i will still stand to my promise. ^^
I suppose u guys may not be able to see me blogging here frequently anymore... but i will still update special events in my life on this blog. Stay connected. Thxs to all who care~

24th September 2008

2008-09-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

... Time has come... i had failed to stand to my promise.
On this date, we broke up.
But i think she will be more free this way, will not be tied up by me... and i also freed my own soul... and my worn out heart... Now, i can sealed my own heart, and throw it deep into the sea so i can focus absolutely on my study. I feel selfish... but i must do this... i am sorry... i have no idea how she feel now... maybe she is more happy this way... because i feel that she is not very happy with me... i am not a good man... she will get a better guy than me...
Maybe should also stop talking about her and also stop thinking about her already... Since already break up, i should not care so much anymore... LOLS!!!
So... now, it is time to focus. Lecturers has been giving me bad comment... F4 asked me to read and do more questions, F5 says i am not good enough now to go to exam, F6... more worse... she said i sure fail... Don't worry my lecturers, i am no normal being, i am insane... insane are not predictable. If i failed to reach your standards, i will end my life. I use my own life to promise this, i, Mr.Chung Lian Kiat, will take F4, F5, F6 exam in December 2008 none the less. If i fall below par even until November, i will risk my own gaming hours and 2 hours of sleep for further improvements. Please do not tempt me to become insane. Because i will do anything, and i really mean ANYTHING just to reach my goal...

2008-09-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

Again... another night without any sms... i am really tired... i am really hurt... it is already 2.30 in the morning and i am still wide awake... I need to make things right... sadness will haunt me until we make things clear... It is really tiring... really tiring...
If this keeps on... i will be destroyed... yes... leave me alone...
Leave me Alone...
I am already Alone...
... Stop hurting me anymore ...
My kingdom has become ripped with sorrow... Despair...

2008-09-21T10:09:00.000-07:00

Guess who's here?
The Immortal Peacecraft King is here! =.='''
Ever wonder why i locate the "immortal" word in front of my name? No idea huh? Haha... Suppose no one will know. Then... Let me tell you a story of a boy. Who is insane... Who is unsound...
It started one day, when the sky turn dark and he was alone at home. Alone at home... He had no people around him... Solitude binds him. As his largest fear is to be left behind, he feel like he fall into absolute darkness. Without hope... Where is everybody when i need them? Where???
Odd thing... His tear never came out... He feel sad... yet not sad... he feel... i wonder if he even feel... Yes. He do feel. What that makes him without tears, maybe caused by his past injury. He swore never to drop any tears for others ever again. =.='''
SO... This is a promise... that now become a curse to him... bounded by remorseless heart, yet... may pity the weak and still understand morale. Odd thing... This unsaid sadness had bring him to another level of humanity. Humanity? @@
Immortal does not has humanity... anyway... This only come, when the rain pour down heavily... his heart sank... Its time to let go of his heart.
But yet... He is heartless... How to let go when do not have one?
How?
So... This terror haunted him... days and days... nights and nights... he become more and more evil day by day. Solitude binds him... making him more chaotic and short-tempered.
I BEAR NOT THE SADNESS OF SOLITUDE CAUSE THEY ARE WITHIN ME!
This guy is insane... He had choose... solitude. Wonder why... So here comes immortality. Immortality cannot be achieved by any human... Of course... not so true... But... i will make it real. But i do not choose to live... i choose immortal death! Clearly said again... IMMORTAL DEATH! understand?
I do wonder where will i go to when i die... i really do... Christian will say... go to heaven. Other religion has their own heaven... Do you believe? I have no idea... Seeing is believing... this is more real to me. LOLS!!! anyway... i do believe... After life. . .
Anyway... Since i wanted immortal death... i don't wanted to exist at all... then, how can this be achieved? No one tell me this... =.='''
Supposed no religion can tell me this... NO ONE CAN! BECAUSE NO ONE HAD KNOWN OF IMMORTAL DEATH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
U know... human is really selfish. They wanted to exist... wanted to let people know they are alive. At least, they wanted to know they are alive. LOLS!!! This feeling of existing give them enthusiasm to keep on surviving. This is what makes their survival instinct. =.='''
People say those who can survive long is because they have great survival instinct... i say... NO! They are selfish people who wanted their life. =.=''' Since life is a gift from God, of course you must treasure it...
Give you a scenario...
God created man, man gifted with life, man died, man go to heaven...
something missing~~~ God created man, man live, given a heart, feel all the pain n happiness that is forever not forever(short and mortal), tortured by sickness, tortured by wrath of Nature, tortured by death itself... then bring us to heaven and become angel... =.='''
Eh... Why need the process of man!!? WHY!!!? purposely to see human feel the pain? Are They MAD?!!! Why don't just create angels? =.=''' Create man do what? perform movie give YOU see ar? DAMN!!! Blaming God? I am not blaming the Almighty... i am just complaining... telling HIM to stop create more Man to suffer. =.='''
Mortals~ argh~ They are more insane than i am. Why do you want to exist anyway? Who is the real idiot, mortals? WHO? go to heaven, then again, how you know when u in heaven you will be without worries? =.=''' Stupid LIFE! STUPID earth.. Everything STUPID~
Wah~ who say~~~ look at the bright side... everything happen must be good... Everything happen must got reason... Why want to happen anyway... Nothing happen... more better. XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX... (sorry, it is censored)
Anyway... lets stop the crap... get on with it. =.='''

i remember i read an article~
It was a grandma's story. Her view towards life really amaze me. Spectacular!!! Marvelous!!!
What i can't forget is...
Do not reminisce what is sad when nightfall, cause it will only make things worst.
Let the sunshine bring you a new day.
Eat what you grow, wear what you affort, that makes life more meaningful.
...
Meaningful eh? Haahaha!!! Lets call it a night then... It is already 2 in the morning. =.='''

Something Stupid i done! LOLS!!! Try it~

2008-09-18T10:08:00.001-07:00

What Zechschungliankiat Means

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.

You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.

But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.

You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.

People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Parting...

2008-09-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Hello again my Kingdom. I don't come here only when i feel sad, i come here also when i feel happy... i come... to share my happiness... and to voice out what i dare not say... LoLS... some type of life. =.='''
Parting... Why this title? any idea why?
Let me say it out ba... It is... my relationship with my dear... oh boy... i feel that we are even further apart now... should i work harder on the relationship or should i give up? I don't feel like giving up... because i can't bear with it... i can't lost her. :'-(
I can't imagine also my life without her... although... she is now like... not around me already... haih... So bek chek...
Why do Love exist? =.='''
Maybe... i am thinking too much again. Let don't think too much ba... Let time decide upon my fate. i believe God has done everything. My fate, my destiny, my life... Since it is fated =.= why care? live happily lo... don care what happen, even if i am to die tomorrow, let it be happy until the last breathe. . .
=.='''
sounds like i am going to die soon.... LOLS!!!
anyway, make it more simple... happy also 1 day... not happy also 1 day... happy also breathe, not happy also breathe... happy also eat, not happy also eat... now tummy a bit pain... don't know why... =.='''
Don't care la... Let it be. Wake up in the morning sure ok liaw. XD
Zechs! Wake up! I need you now. You had slept long enough. Danville should go back to his tomb now, Luke will be back to his gate and X is taking over the control here. =.=''' so hate...
X X go away, don't come close me any day... SHOOEEEE~~~~~~~~~~
LoLs... talking to myself again... Some people say, it is a type of way to release stress. This may be the way for me. hahaha! Life is always so peculiar. No matter you like it or not, you also have to go through it. Zechs! JIAYOU LO!

Miss Me now or Miss me Not?

2008-09-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Hello Peacecraft Kingdom... The King is back again... It has been some time since i left this place. For a moment, i think i know everything... for real... i know nothing. Do you know what happen after that day? When is that day??? Suppose to be 1st of September... I am being childish enough... lack of sleep every night because of missing her. And you know what i did? i really feel regret... i hacked into her friendster profile. I saw her message box... Can't resist to take a look inside... And... sad... even more sad... i saw many things that i do not hope to see... the outside looks clear but the inside break me even more... I feel... Do not even know what to feel then...
But you know? i still dare not ask her... Because i fear i might loss her... For a second thought... i maybe already lost her, yet, i still want to keep it. Such a damn fool. So how? What to do... just take it lo... Maybe they just chat chat only ma... No big deal one. Don't have to feel bad for it. WAKAKAKA!!!
Ok... Maybe should switch a bit of mind set... I should think more positive. Anyway, i had tried my best... even i sometimes feels that i am not a good man.
So... cannot do anything le... Let her decide ba... She will dump me when she wants to. I just do my best. What else can i do? Who asked me to love her more than myself? >.<'''
Miss me now? or miss me not? I never asked... i never know... i can always pretend right? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Pretend to know she miss me. So i can feel happy.
So why feel sad? Get on with my normal life, live it nicely... she will feel sad also if she knows i can't sleep well, i can't eat well. ^^
hehe... happy happy...

Happy?

2008-09-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

Today exam... She also today exam... what a coincidence...
You know, i got an exam today... Guess what am i doing yesterday... Going for F4(Law) and then play games after that... no study... Where got people like that one... no need study... exam liaw still don't want to study...
But i know what am i doing... So... morning wake up a bit blur blur. But did manage to focus on the papers. F5(Performance Management) after a fail game of GG Dota. KNS one. The host disconnect. No choice lo... What to do...
I read like, just 10 minutes, then my mum called... Are you ready? =.=''' Then i realised, it is already 11am. OMG!!! i sleep so long! Wasted so many time. @@
So, i quickly go brush and wash... Prepare to go to school. But, my bro just came back la... Need to wait him also... so i continue to read some more... i suppose i finish reading chapter one only. Life Cycle Costing... =.='''
But already time to go...
So how? Abandon liaw lo... Go eat then go school liaw lo... Reach school at around 1pm. Thought can study some more. But, so far apart from what i think, all friends are gathered in MIT lab. =.=''' Do what there? Playing some stupid flash game. As a gamer, i just can't resist the seduction of the game. LOLS!!!
As a result... stuck there watching them play game liaw. So pro all. They also didn't study. =.='''
130pm, go into class. Exam starts right away. Then how? i find that the questions are quite simple. So i attempt the questions lo. So bad! Essay questions took like more than 50%. @@
After the first question(Calculation), satisfied, as i can do it... starts with the essay question. LOLS... just answering one took me an hour. =.='''
So tired after 1 question. Lucky only 4 questions in total. So, i did finished 2 questions up til now. Approaximately 1.5 question. LOLS. Cause the second question... the other half i don't know how to answer... =.='''
So i skip d lo... 4pm already. Not enough time!!! got 2 more question!!! Die lo!!! How?
3rd question... Essay again... =.=''' SKIP!
4th. Haha... calculation. So happy. I try it... and manage to answer it. LoLs... didn't even think much. Just do it. Wahaha. I can do it. Got the answer... and tada... 5pm. a total of 3 questions i had answered... to be more accurate, i answer approaximately 2.5 questions only. =.='''
and what happen... Guess what... i feel happy @@
Cause i know how to do... LOLS!!!
Reach home... had my dinner... feel something fishy about the exam just now... So i refer back to the notes and exercise given by the lecturer... =.='''
SHOCKED til death...
...
...
...
I had done wrong the last question. =.=''' still so happy some more... Should be throughput accounting method... i use linear programming method... =.='''
Die lo...
Do wrong...
Sure fail. LOLS!!! Simple equation. Please try to do it.
(2.5 questions - 1 question = ? ) =.='''
And each question worth 25 marks. Mostly i can get how many marks?
The passing mark is 50%.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy? Very happy lo~
Do wrong still there so happy. =.=''' This guy is insane. . .

1st of September

2008-09-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

As i was saying... Failure to sleep at night has become a nightmare to me, so, i decide to go to a one day trip with my friend, Daniel. As i fear i might be alone there, so i drag Phang along with me. Hehe...
I think i haven't mention about the Trinity Church friends before in this Blog. So i think i will need to intro a few of them that had came across my life and help me... quite a lot already oh. ^^ Many thanks to them. And God Bless.
As i can't fall asleep, i finally did closed my eyes on 5am in the morning. Woke up at around 6am... Walk around the house, preparing the items needed in the trip. As i was being told, we are going to Matang Wildlife Centre. So, pack cloth and drinks... and a pen. =.= Daniel asked me to do so... Don't know what is he up to...
So, 7++, (Julie) Feng Feng called. She is the organiser of this trip oh. And... i know her in MYFgroup. She is a nice girl oh. hehe... Of course, she is like a big sister to me. ^^
Then, get into the car... meet a cool guy. hehe... i never meet him before oh. He is (An1 Sun4) Chinese name. At first, i don't know him well. But, in the trip, i get to know him... and i find him really a nice guy too.
Lets do the intro at the end...
They bring me to Trinity first... Then all gather there, had our breakfast there, then start the journey to Matang. As the Van is full, we had to follow private transportation. Daniel, Yun Qii, Phang and me followed Nicholas. Another cute guy. Hahaha... Why i say cute? Because he is so humorous that almost anything that came out from his mouth can become a joke... scary right? HaHaHa~
So, on the way, we are talking about Dota... Nice thing, we got a topic to chat about, if not, (the whole journey took us 1 hour!!!) and 1 hour of quietness in the car... woo... that will be terrible... At first... i just kept quiet... and... sooner, when i find a chance to talk, i start to join into the chat. Quite nice. ^^
When we finally reach there, already 10. @@ late... 830 starts, 10 then reach. A total of 90 minutes. So funny. He is just driving at 60 kilometers per hour. Yet, they say he is too fast. XD
So So... When reach there, all settle up at the lobby. I think there are 40+ people going in this trip. Although i didn't know all of them, but, i did make some new friends there. We are devided into 4 groups. Daniel was in charge of the games. Say is Daniel la, but the one who is playing the important role to prepare the game is Feng Feng. Responsibility must have come first to her. @@
We started off with visiting the "Zoo". As Daniel and Feng Feng didn't go(the only few from Trinity that i know), i decided to stay there and help out. So funny... GM, as we called him, stay with us as well. His name is actually Heng Da. A handsome guy with music talent. Woo... if say i am a girl, sure attracted to him. Wakaka! joking joking.
We discuss about the game that will be played later... As we are talking about the games, we give oppinions. GM gave a very very nice oppinion oh.. i really accepted it. Guess what... we play~ (ku lo ku ki) a game played when we were young. It is like chasing game, 1 person as the chaser and the rest will become runner. Those who got caught will become the next chaser. haha... Childish enough. But of course, rejected by the organizer. XD
Then, i say play A-E-I-O-U. A game also played when we are young. Of course, rejected again. XD
So, we just laughed all the way. But i do think it will be fun to play those childish game again oh. So long never play already. The bad thing about growing up, never get to play children game anymore. T_T sad sad...
They all came back to the lobby around 1130 i think. We moved our "base camp" to the river after all had finish exploring the "Zoo". Phang follow them visit the "Zoo". haha. It actually become~ i left him alone~. LoLs~ But anyway, i can see he had a nice time too.
So, when we reach the Matang River, we again, divide into groups. We first starts with introducing ourself in group. Let see if i remember them...
Leader is of course An Sun, then memebers are Qin Ling, Daniel, Jeffry, Si Zhen, Zheng Cong, Yi Yun, Xiao Feng... ZzZzZ... i forget another 2's name... so bad oh me...
Anyway, during intro, that Si Zhen, when we are asking about personality, he say, he is naive and cute... =.='''
WOW!!! SO DAMN FUNNY. You know, he is a big size guy, even more old than me, say... i am naive and cute... speechless... The whole group laugh, as the other heard of it, they all laughed too. LoLs.
Bla Bla Bla... Blu Blu Blu... intro done.
So, start with the game. Of course, i didn't find the game actually fun, but had a nice time. Haha... Recognizing hair. So impossible... LoLs...
Then, next is playing act dead. Then become CSI, draw out the look of the dead person. LoL...
Then... Play a very lame game.. =.='''
The game organizer will called out, "Who has the longest...?"
Then groups will have to discuss what is the organizer asking, and send out someone to compete. LoLs... We collected 0 points for that. i think is because we don't have anyone with special look. LoLS!!!
Then, finally, last game. Passing water balloon with music(by guitar), when music stops, the holder of the balloon will be chosen. LoL. Lucky me. Not chosen.
Those who are chosen, will be wet~ WAKAKA!!! so damn lucky.
Then, we go play water in the river. HeHe~ Happy time. Too bad, i forget to bring pants... =.=''' so i cannot play too far in the water.
So, after playing awhile in the water, me and Daniel decided to go to walk in the Zoo. LoLs... Phang did not play in the water as he is... Don't know why. hahaha~
So, we 3 people(Me Daniel & Phang) go have a walk in the forest... Zoo... so called. XD
Wow... So tiring. So long the journey in the zoo... tiring. Good thing though, cause i am able to sleep well that night. haha... Finally i can sleep.
Nice...
So, after that, we are on our journey home. I feel so tired after the trip... i fall asleep a lot of time on the way home. LoLs... So paiseh. An Sun was the one who fetch me home as he is also going home after that. They are still going for dinner. LoLs... so envy their spirit. Still so full of energy. Anyway, i do have a nice time on this date.
Besides, when i reached home, my dad asked me to bathe and get ready as we will be going out for Dinner too. @@
Wow~~~
I had a splendid dinner. Can't forget the taste of baked prawn with cheese and cod fish. yum yum.
Hehe... after that, we went back home. I go to bed directly after brushing my teeth... @@
Must have gain some weight as i sleep after meal. LoLS!!!
So... A sleep until 9am this morning. Also consider a good night sleep already. ^^
Thank God... I can have a good night sleep.

...

2008-08-31T11:28:00.000-07:00

Pathetic Mortals! Tell me!!! What is more painful!!!?
Being Dump by you spouse;
or in a relation with someone who don't care about you?
Curse of immortality is so damn torturing...
...
...
...
I had lost my sleep because of her...
I had lost my mind because of her...
What the Hell is happening now!!!
I wanted to know... I wanted to know...
...
...
...
Sleepless... Sorrow... Despair...
Loneliness... Solitude... Fear...
I feel so alone now...
But my Soul is against me...
My tears is GONE ...
And i had failed to cry.
What is sadness without tears?
...
...
...

My Feeling...

2008-08-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

It has been a week already. I am still feeling down and lonely. I feel... sad. My insomnia is not cured. Ever since that day, i am like unable to sleep early. That day... that day is when???
Seems like it has been weeks that i never had a good night sleep. I feel so distress... It is not that i wanted to sleep late... It is just that my mind is not in the mood to sleep... I am waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting for what? Waiting for her message before going to bed. Because, i always hope that she will sleep early, and to know that, i had asked her send me a message before bed. Yet, for a week, no message received. Sad... Yet, i waited every night. From 10pm, i reached home after class, until 11pm, i started a game of DOTA with my bro... until 12am, my bro gone to bed... until 1am, i start browsing the web reading on stupid topics and dreams and mostly browsing in medical sites... LoLs... and yet... no message until 3am... Every night, it become like a practice. I do it every night... And until now... i feel, sad... and down.
She did told me that she will be busy lately. Yes. I understand. I never asked her to accompany me. I only wished for a good night from her every night. Yet... i waited n waited... Nothing came.
Why like that?
A message take how many time to type? 1 minute? 2 minute?
such few minutes also cannot spend for me?
Sad? Disappointed?
I don't know... I feel like crying every night. Since the day i got this... Insomnia... But who knows? No one... I never tell anyone about this... Because i think that they can't help me anyway... Only i can help myself... And maybe she can help... but... she never cares... just told me... "this is bad for health... don do it again... try to sleep early." And just for a day, then vanish in thin air.
I don't know what is happening... i don't know... People says i tend to think too much... Yes... May be right. But ever know what i experience before? I got betrayed by my best friend and the one i trusted with all my heart... and i got hurt deeply... of course, i still fear such thing will happen to me... who want to feel the same pain twice? nobody~
Why ?
I also don't know why. Is it that she is telling me she is quitting? Just that she is too good and she fear to tell me cause she thinks i may be hurt? if it is so, i rather know then to suffer like this... People encourage me to quit... some ask me to be patient... to me, i will stand... hang on. because i believe in her. I believe she will not do that to me. She will not hurt me like the last one would. Because i believe...
Or am i just being childish?
But i don't care.. i choose to believe... So as to that, i will wait.
As for the consequences, i had choose to face it... no matter what is it. Good or bad... I will just face it.
Please... Stop torturing me... I don't want this to continue like this anymore... I will die even faster this way...
As for what is happening now...
crying... is helpless. DO u know i can't even cry even when i feel miserably sad? So damn miserable!!! Sad yet can't cry... where can like that? Then how can i vent out my sadness and my anger? i can't shout out loud, i can't laugh out from my heart... and if this is like what is happening, am i lost?
Did i lost my personality? my emotions?
I feel... lonely...
Alone...
Bounded by solitude...
Tied up... helpless...
Why is this solitude haunt me?
Who knows... But... If i feel free in solitude... I believe, that will be the time i break up with her...
Who will feel free in solitude and loneliness? Hahaha~ Of course, must be someone who has chosen to be alone for their life.
I know, i might not be suitable to have another half. But i am trying my best. Trying my very best to be a good one. I take up ACCA, because i trust that this can give me a good pay in the future. And i am building my future, with her in it... and if she left, then why am i being so tired out taking my ACCA so damn fast? Pushing for 3 subjects one go... That's insane. Teachers has gave advice that it is not reasonable to take 3 papers. Of course, there is people that can do it. But, being an ordinary person, taking 3 papers is very heavy a burden... Yet, why i m forcing myself to bear it???
Sad again... heart feel pain, feel sour... yet... tears never drop. don even feel my eyes wet...
Why am i doing this? For my future's sack. I want to have a better life up ahead. I want to build our future... They told me, it is impossible to earn 1 million by just working before 30 years old. But i am trying to prove that wrong! WRONG! i can earn, Invest, earn, invest... ACCA, of course, it is an accounting and financing course. I can learn to invest well! WHY? i see a bright future up ahead... yet...
Ever wonder why you work and study so hard for???
To give ourselve a better future. Right?
Yes... ok... let say i got 1 billion, and i lost all my family and all my friends and i don't have love ones left on this world... tell me... U still want your 1 billion or u want your loved ones back?
Which one do u choose?
You worked so hard, earning so much, for your loved ones... for your family... for them to have a better life. If u lost all of them, is there any meaning left to earn and work so hard???
Simply, no~
It will be just enough to life up to your own par.
Earn what u need. Necessary need only. Don't have to work so hard anymore~
no... no need...
Everyone plays an important role in someone's life. and of course, in your own life.
But... what? What to do? It is always too late to realize what is happening... until you had lost it, then you start to treasure what you lost.
I lost... i found... i treasure...
So... That will be why... i keep holding on... because i don't want to regret my choice. And most important. I believe.
I BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DO BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I REALLY DO...

LoveStory

2008-08-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

Love story... Ahahaha~ Just the title i myself felt blurred.
Guess why i wanted to write this post?
Hehe... supposed everyone can't guess why. Even i don't understand why...
It was yesterday, i was bored out at home... So i decided to sort out the DVD that were piling up on the TV. ( My bro and my Dad don't keep the disc after watching it, sometimes is really annoying. ) So, i decided to tidy it up... But, while arranging it halfway, i saw a DVD... it is a drama... Forgotten the name, but is Hong Kong drama... So, since i am bored, i decided to turn on the TV and watch it. LOLS... i don't watch drama much... This is like out of the blue... XD
It is... LoLs... The start was nice... it is about a love story... Let me address the guy as A and the girl as B. A and B had a nice time together, but due to some economic crisis, B's family decided to leave and go to another place. So, A and B are forced to part. Funny thing is... They still post letters to each other. Even until the day they die... Their grandchildren, took up their last letter... and decided to look up each other... A's grandchild, a, looked up B's grandchild, b. So... This 2 youngster... being very... "rude", they opened their grandparents' letters. Oh, by the way, A and B are seperated, and they have no idea who died first... lols... and, being such a coincidence, they 2 died almost at the same time... a and b read thier letters, knowing what happened to their grandparents... so touching...
THE END~
Unbelievable... Where got drama so short one??? so i fast forward... =.=
U know what... i just found out that this DVD is a series of Love story... I stop watching on the 3rd. As it is too... sad... i feel rather sad and agitated while watching the 3rd one. LoLs...
The guy was so nice to his GF, yet, she wanted to try to find whether he is having another affair with other girl. She hired a detective, more like a spy, to spy on her bf... he is so nice a guy, he got the kind heart, that he help almost everyone that needed help. He is almost perfect... Yet, she still can't believe that he is so good. LoLs... This one, makes me feels like, a guy being too good is bad. LOLS... She kept on spying him... hoping he will one day make a mistake, so she can break up with him... =.=''' like this also can HO? ANGRY~ SAD... My emotions was like triggered... i feel a sudden crash of personality... so... haven't even finished the 3rd series, i off it. LOLS...
I would like to know, what is love?
Many people claim that they know... I questioned their knowledge of Love. It is just not possible to understand Love so easily. I think me myself is totally blurred... I had a GF. But, i feel, i am not doing what i am supposed to do; i am not doing what i must do...
Sadly, if i keep on figuring this problem out, i will break down again. That is for sure. So, it is always better for me to just let it be. Time will tell me what is what. Right? ^^

I Graduated CAT!!!

2008-08-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

~~HHHhhhOOooRRrraAaAyYYy~~
~Congratulate me!!! Haha~
It was supposed to be yesterday, i woke up in the morning, worrying that it will be the day my result came out. But as usual, as now is my bro's holiday, he ask me to play games with him. So~ we had some game... As i told myself, if i failed any of the papers, i will quit games. That is a God DAMN promise i made. A gamer like me, making such a promise is like sending myself to hell... LOLS...
Anyway, Later around 12... my friend, Daniel, SmSed me and told me that the result is now release. So... i hesitated... Thinking, should i go for it now or watch it later or tomorrow. But, my curiosity urge me to look right away. Sooo~~~~ i keyed in my ACCA id and password...
heartbeat time...
TADA~~~ I passed 3 papers. Although is not high marks, 6x, 6x and 5x... i still feel happy. U know, just able to pass is a relief to me. I was so worried i will fail back then. Why? Because, my paper 10, that is getting only 50, is really bad. i Had a hard time doing it in the examination hall that time. LOLS... lucky~ i passed it. And lucky, 10 marks above... if take it again this December, will also just passed. Cause i heard, now the standard had increased to 50 marks to just pass. LOLS... Lucky me... Hahaha... happy happy... i am now a CAT graduate. ^^
Congratulations to me... ^^
Watching the result at home do had a little disappointment... Nobody gratz me. But it is ok... ^^
ok now... Need to get off... Although passed CAT, now got ACCA to handle... it is a lot more harder. Gambateh neh!

Fallen Sick

2008-08-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

What a bad day... I had fallen sick. Under the weather...
so headache now... yet, my sleep is so... horrible. Last night was such a torture. The nose is killing me. And my throat is painful. + headache some more. Lucky, i had some pills before i sleep. So my flu now is better. But, anyway, my sleep was, i don't think i slept last night. Haunted by nightmares, i feel like as if i was at my grave. So scared. SO wish morning can come soon. So i can wake up. Blur all night, wake up with a severe headache that even makes me feel like screaming. So damn pain... And now, i feel my heart is weak... i need to put in some effort just to breathe. Wow... some sort of sickness. I hope it is just a small flu, so i can get well soon. My body is still high in temperature... wonder if i can go to class tonight???
So fear i will faint halfway...
But, i think i can do it. Tomorrow got class again... 2 classes some more... Don't know i can handle it or not...
But no matter what, i will try my best. Result is coming soon... Just pray and hope that everything will be just fine...
...Every time i cough, my head hurt. So torturing...
Hope i can get well soon...

Words Can be Poisonous than Food

2008-08-13T00:30:00.000-07:00

Last night was bad. A really bad night. My friends came down from Bau... Ah jin, Ah Hee, we go for some snacks after my class. Daniel follows as well. Then, we decide to go play game at cyber cafe. LoLs... some type of fun. It was already 10++ then. We called Sidney whether he wanted to follow or not... As usual, he say yes. XD That is like amlost impossible he will say no. Hahaha...
So, we reach there, Daniel says he don't want to play Dota... So... we play CS then. Playing CS was ok... But when Sidney arrive, his friend in CC(Cyber Cafe) ask whether we want to play a friendly match or not??? So... we think it is ok... Even if we lose... LOLS... so we accept. Bad thing... those guys are hooligans. =.='''
We had the upper hand... and thanks to my big mouth, i was so carried away in the game, i keep talking. I don't think i said anything bad, didn't say they are noob, didn't say anything bad at all... and they starts scolding. =.=''' I had nothing to say... 1 word may decribe it all. COWARD.
You know what happen? They starts scolding... and even wanted to started a fight. =.='''
Oh My God... Fighting... That's childs play. Never grew up...
Oh ya... so, we quickly end the game... Win it... Then we leave... He banged the table, then start asking who is using "lycanthrope"(a hero of Dota, i was using it) They must have been furious as they didn't get the chance to get a kill of me. Where as i killed his hero a lot. XD
So, i kept quiet, let him "bark" there. Paid, then leave. XD
We had a drink after that. LoLs... he called Sidney and ask him to tell us to be careful next time. LOLS!!! Who do he think he is??? The Government? Killer? OR GOD? Man~ Hooligans...
Better stay away from this freak. Unable to accept defeat. But anyway, better don't care about it. Result is gonna come soon. XD So just hope and pray that result will be nice. ^^
And... I had a feeling, since what happened last night, i think i need to refrain my words and the way i talk. =.=''' My friends may be able to handle the needle, but outsiders may feel it a thread. So... =x I will refrain.
By the way, i have a feeling of quitting Dota. Know why?
Dota brings many bad thing to the people.
Firstly, friends may become enemy because of Dota.
Secondly, couple may break up because of Dota.
Thirdly, mood may become bad becuase of Dota.
Fourthly, ones mind may become contaminated by Dota.
... There is just too many bad things about Dota. haih~

10% Happiness, 20% anger, 30% sadness and 40% distress

2008-08-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

I hate my life!
But i won't blame God or anyone for whatever is happening...
I am happy!
Because everything happen is making me grow.
I am angry!
Because everyone that i care is forgetting me.
I am sad!
Because i feel it is my mistake that people i care is forgetting my existence.
I am distress!
Because i HATE MY LIFE!
Sleepless... for weeks. And every morning i wake up, i feel a slight headache. I feel nausea. Feel like throwing up. This thing has continued for like weeks. It all begin with the nightmares. Now... nightmare is gone but sleepless, insomnia is here. Why like that?
Joint pain is hitting me everyday. I am getting old...
Or is it just that my blood circulation is having problem?
Too many questions are playing in my head.
I always thought i am stronger than before. A lot more stronger. But no. I am still the same. Weak. Seems like i just healed myself from the injury i suffered years ago. I did not actually become stronger from it. Fear...
I still dreaded betrayal. Still worry about betrayal. My soul is still weak, unable to receive another blow of betrayal.
But i learned to trust. Because i had no choice. I have to keep trusting. Just be more careful every time i trust.
Because i want others to have trust in me. The law of nature is like this, i still believe equivalent trade.
Even the word "Believe" has a lie in the middle. So what is true?
It is torture...

Damn DAMN DAMN!!!

2008-08-01T01:33:00.000-07:00

Sleepless... Is really giving me a crap. It has been days... i don't have a good night sleep. I am tired of this. Frustrated... Who knows i am facing insomnia now? =.=''' Those who are reading... I never tell anyone about my sleeplessness... Cause... i don't think they can help me. No one can. I am the only one that can help myself. But how? last nite... I force myself to sleep. Everything seems to like going against me lately... I sure feel a bit stress... just don't talk about relationship stuff... my study work is piled up! i have much things to attend to. And i yet has started to read. You know, i have 0 confidence about my course now. =.=''' Don't say 0 confidence... even 0 interest... man... the world is turning upside down...
Who cares? i care... IT IS MY LIFE MAN!!! OF COZ I CARE! duh~
Grief... Despair~
Why such distress? Lets cheer up and get on with it. Since the day you choose to start this game, you have to play along. No matter you like it or not, just play along. When the time is right, everything will be fine. So, hang on.
God is being really good to me. He gave me challenges. He gave me feelings. He gave me wisdom. Of coz, i will not consider myself as wise... yet. wakakakaka!!! But at least, i do think that i have faced quite some troublesome ups and downs that makes me age fast enough that worn my mental "youngness" out quickly. =.='''
I am still young! XD so... should quit thinking too much and do what i want. right?
That should be a true statement. However, humans are born with responsibility. So... being carefree... is kinda bad. LoLs... or is it just for me la..
anyway... i had crapped alot... but at least... feel better... writing maybe a good cure for me though. hahaa... thats all for now... my mind is terribly sick... =.='''

Night Terror !!!

2008-07-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

Nightmares!
Damn those Nightmares... It has been days... my good night sleep is now spoiled. I don't have a sleep without nightmares for days. So tired of it. I have no choice but to read some articles about Nightmares to cure myself.
I find myself... suffering nightmares... these... are cruel. They take away my sleep. I told my friends about it. They think i am joking. =.=''' Some even say i must have done something bad. I can swear. I didn't. Why is this happening to me? WHY? What did i do wrong to suffer like this? but i don't feel sad about it. NO! i am not. I did get myself into reading more n more articles. Gaining more knowledge than before. It do helps me. LoLs... so i am thanking Nightmares now... hahaha...
Anyway... I really hope these night terrors can stop. My life will be ruined... Or should i just learn to live with it. As i learn of nightmares as a sign of inner sight. Something i can learn from nightmares. Something important that can help improve my life. Yes. I did find certain website that decode your dreams. Unfortunately, they are kinda accurate. A bit scary when i read. LOLS. Cause it is so damn true. =.='''
It is now almost 2 in the morning... And i am still here... not having my sleep. Why? Perhaps i am under stress.. perhaps i am thinking too much... perhaps i am a coward, running away from these nightmares, running away from facing my true self. Sad~
Yet... Who knows of my sadness? Who cares?!!!
But this is my problem. NO ONE HAS TO CARE! NO ONE CAN CARE... no one... T_T
I feel lonely in the night. Night is a curse. No wonder everyone goes to bed at night. Staying up all night gives you no good. It is always best to get some sleep at night.
But i will not give up. Standing alone... It is ok. Alone alone la! Cause loneliness has become my truthful friend. Hahahaha. I acknowledge him. He is always here with me. Never leave me. Never once. I only didn't notice that he is here with me when i got friends around. But when they leave, he is still here. See how faithful is he! Never leave me~ So touched.
Hahahaha~ But sadly, my eyes never gets wet since... i forgotten. This cold blooded creature that lives in me is now so free. =.=''' So damn free. Remember i gave him a name... ?? What is it again? Dark? Doom? I don't care anyway. Dark will do... Luke is not around... Dark is roaming free... Zechs is tired out... And the evil one, Alexander =.=''' he is contaiminating my mind. CLK CLK~ Time to wake up! Stop this insanity in playing in your mind...

Challenged!

2008-07-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

I was tempted. An urge to fight back. A challenge came to me. Damn myself! Damn! I really hate it. I have yet to face challenge ever since... or is it that i gave up myself to run away from challenges... But, yet again... Now... once again, the fire of retaliation is burning within. This is a challenge i will take on. Madam Tan, my F6 lecturer. Her words are sharp, it may not be harmful to my classmates, as for me, i feel humiliated. A start of battle again. "The left-handed are supposed to be more clever( i am a left-handed), but it seems to me that it is not true..." That, i believe, madam Tan does not imply it on me. But i do feel the shot. It pains. It trigger my emotions. I feel challenged!
This is just the start... and again, it has been quite some time i never accept challenges... i think i had forgotten the feeling of being challenged, the feeling of anger. Now, my anger boils. It is time to let the inferno out. I need to unleash the strength of anger, distress and agony. Damn these negative power is so damn strong now. I feel like exploding. It is time to show them my power. These negative power has been stored long enough to have a great amount of impact! But it is great. Something has come to me. A challenge that is, i accept it! Wait and see my true colors.
The silence of Anger has now came to wrath. I cannot stop the fire now. Lucky... still able to stick my fingers on the keyboard and not spoiling it.
Time to say bye bye. Until my negative power is over, i will have problem controlling my emotions! It is recommended to stay away from me... SO... LONELINESS! HELLO AGAIN! WAHAHAHAHA! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!

Life Cycle

2008-07-22T00:15:00.000-07:00

LoLs... This is certainly an issue to the living. Or should be more specific, mortals. Everyone will face this, life cycle thingy. Don't say, we are already in it. For example, we are born, grew up, mature, old, sick then die. =.= lame ... Who can run away from this life cycle thing?
Ok... talking about life cycle. It is a topic in my F5. Man... F5...
Life cycle costing. The product life cycle. First, development. Research and development will be done in this stage. Then comes introduction. The product will be going through massive advertising as it is out in the market. Big expenses... After that will be Growth. In this stage, the product's sales will grow. The company will start to makes profit out from it. The cost incurred before will be covered. Following Growth will be Maturity. The product is now having stable sales and have net profit. This is when the company gains from the product. Of course, everything will come to an end. So here come decline, the final stage. Of course, the mangement will to lengthen the time period of maturity, keep the product in the market. But anyway, it will eventually comes to an end. So... that will be goodbye. XD
Don't you find this thing almost the same as human life? Not only human life, it is also the life of all beings. Even trees grow and die in time. Time, the most cruel fate of human. Every human are bounded by time. We will die one day. But what we had done will be left behind. I like shakespeares' creation. Why? Don't you feel that he is a great man? He can make life and death so concrete. Words came to life. Even death becomes words, become "alive". Forget to mention, he kept his beloved beauty until now. Lasting for hundreds of years. He makes things immortal.
Life cycle, time... they took him away. But not his soul. Life cycle is cruel. Hahaha... But ever wonder, if one become immortal, living too long, perhaps 200 years of time, is it worth as much as the life of shakespeares? i doubted so. If he didn't make any commitment to the world, or just himself, his time of living in this world will become worthless.
I should stop comparing a made up person... let just put myself into the comparing work... =.='''
For example... i have yet to do anything that can make someone remember me to the time they die. I have yet to make the world remember my name. But i did do something. I write my thoughts here. At least, i may live as long as this blog is to read by people. But why care anyway? To live to be known by the people... I believe those who are in war, the soldiers who gave their life to protect the country, they are not remember. But those who only use their mouth... (examples are not shown as it will not be a good thing to do... people may think i m a critic) They earn their position. They earn their fame but they did not do much sacrifice to the world... so who cares anyway. What important is how much u think your life worth. Man... Headache... It is not a good thing to think too much of stuff...
So... Do what you must. Do what you think is correct. Everyone have their own perception. So there is no need of much thoughts of how others look at you. What important is how you look at yourself. Confidence is important! lols.
I'm getting out of topic. LOLS. Let' come back to LC. Life cycle. =.=''' Headache la... Think i'll stop here for now. Catch up to where i stopped next time. XD

The Game Started. . .

2008-07-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

Ever since school started, i hardly play games. Umm... Not hardly. Just reduce a lot. Not games actually, can say touching the computer. LoLs... And of course, blogging. How can i forget? hehe... So, today i finished up all my piled up homework and come blogging again. Hmm... Many things did came to my mind. I was intending to write it back then. But my lazy bone keep me off the keyboard. Hahaha... The game started...
I take up F4, F5 and F6 this semester. Law, Performance management and taxation. Law and taxation is killing me in a way.
Let's start 1 by 1. F4, Law...
F4, Corporate & Business Law
Mr.Kho, our F4 lecturer is great man. He is kind and friendly... a bit too friendly la. XD Never see him get agitated when the class gone wild and everyone chatting everywhere. LOLS!!! Not actually. Just a bit noisy. His english is just great. Or maybe it is just me... =.= i find problem catching up to him. He speak so fast sometimes and i do find problem with my vocabulary and understanding. But anyway, i will try to catch up to him. None the Less!!! Brush up on my english more. MUST!!!
F6, Taxation
Guess what happen here... Mdm Tan... Our beloved lecturer. I do find her strict. Really strict. There is no time to catch a breathe in her class. Lecture... exercise... Lecture... tutorial... lecture... test... then go home. No break... Got la... toilet break, 5 minutes. But i think it is good. Good for me. At least i don't have the time to talk. Besides, during lectures, she likes to ask questions... This is the part that makes me awe her. Not talking can't help. U need to look at her when she lecture or look at the screen. If u keep looking down or looking at the notes, she will sure penalize you and then keep on asking you questions. =.= Some sort of training... To be more confident... stress...
Anyway, the game has started. Do you want to quit? This is a question i ask myself. Of course NO! Is this what you want? This question will make me think long, and make me hanging half way in the sky... I don't really know. As a matter of fact, i had already come so far. I will not turn back! So, the only thing to do now is to hang on! How about getting serious and really cut off games totally? That may be a good way to achieve better results. It is worth a try.
Try your best Zechs!

Vacation!!!

2008-07-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

Vacation, a nice word. Too bad. It isn't happening on me. My parents are going on a vacation to China. Oh dear... as the eldest son, i had my responsibility to take care of my little brother. He is already 13, take care? Like how? man ...
Ok... Let's start. The first day was still nice. I took them to the airport, go home. Then, i bring my bro to had dinner. First day was easy as it was a Saturday. Nothing much to do. "Luckily" too, my holiday is ending soon ... =.=''' I had my class starting on Wednesday.
Sunday, like usual, i went down to buy some food for myself and him... then at night, cook him dinner. Ok... Sunday through...
Monday... i take my bro to school. Of course, the school was not far away from home, but i was told to drive him to school. Not let him walk to school. So, i must drive him to school. 12 noon. Everyone knows, 12 noon traffic jam. might as well stuck with the jam, bring him to school, drive back home again. Took me 30 minutes you know? the school is like just 1 kilometer away and he refuses to walk to school. =.=''' Nevermind. Bear with it...
Tuesday, Same thing again...
Wednesday, i got class at night. Since now in degree, the school does not offer much classes in the daytime, so most of my class from nowadays onward will be at night. I took him to school, drive home. rest until 3 something, start driving to my school. 3 something. Why so early? reason is just simple, avoid traffic jam! =.=''' I hate traffic jam. Who don't? i went to school, have my class... oh boy, the lecturer was like ... strict. She was always asking questions. We must pay 100% attention as if she will be asking questions anytime. Was so tired after class... but still forced myself to walk to the nearest food stall to buy something for my bro. He hasn't eat as i didn't buy him dinner yet. It was already 9.30... reached home around 10. We had our dinner or should make it supper, then, i was so tired i went to bed like ... forgotten when.
Thursday, My friend came to my house. Nice. Too bad i need to do some laundry. So i just let them watch TV. LoLs. Then after i am done, i ask my friends to take my bro to school. LoLs... This sure helps alot. i don't have to drive in this "traffic jamness". After taking my bro to school, we went to have our lunch. Finally some rest. We have a little chit chat and then around 2pm, he takes me home. One of them follow as he had class that night, same as me. So... around 3+ we go to school. His home was near the school and i went to his home first as it was still early. Nice thing you know, i had my dinner at his place. Then after that, we went for our class. Same again, drag myself to the nearest food stall after class to buy food for my bro. Thursday over...
Finally, today... Friday. my parents will be home soon. I do find that it is hard to take care of others when you are even having problem taking care of yourself. LoLs... At least i feel tired. But that is a responsibility i must bear with. So.. i have no choice but to keep hanging on, the worse part is driving. I think if my bro is not around, maybe i don't have such burden. haha... he is my brother, how can i not care? Anyway, Let it be. Just a week to see if i am capable of taking of myself + my bro. People do grow. This, i believe, will be another lesson of survival, responsibility and independence for me. Good thing. Really good thing. At least i am happy i can learn. Chances are hard to come by.
There is a fact. One day, they will leave me. When that time comes, i will have to stand alone. This may be a nice training for me. As to stand strong even when u are alone. ^^
Ok now... I will have to stop here. Need to get myself up to pick up my bro and go get our dinner ready.

Mid Term Break~ Holidays ...

2008-06-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

Wippee~ Holiday time...
Ya right... Should be full of excitement and joy when holiday comes. It is finally the time of relaxation and rest. WOoohoo~~ =.='''
But do u know? I don't actually feel this way. Just the opposite, i feel tired. Bored. Why my holiday turn out to be like this? Odd... Pissed off...
Lets begin...
Yay... Holiday! Holiday do provides rest to your body, your brain. Maybe not everyone, but to me... yes. U know what? i hardly use my brain during holidays. Besides, not much of exercise. =.="' This must be the reason of obesity i m having now. Hate it. The first few days of holidays were fun. My friends came took me out for like a whole day, we played. We went to Matang to pick up Daniel( a friend) since he don't have the transport down to Kuching. Then we went Dota + ing. Wow... really nice you know? it is like even when u lose, u feel happy. ^^ Nice game...
After that, we went to have our dinner. LoLs... Guess what, we went for a buffet. Oh My GOD! We ate like ... hahahaha... actually like having eating competition. It is quite fun actually. Do enjoy the time hanging out. We feel like stuffed animals after the dinner. Starting from 19xx till 21xx. Woo~ 2 hours in the restaurant.
Next, we went to a shoe shop. My friend Chris(ah Jin) wanted to buy a pair of slipper. =.=''' It is funny. Cause all of us are like so full and we walked so slow. He also had his time choosing his favorite. XD Took like 30 minutes to 1 hour jz looking for his shoe in the shop( not big too). Finally, he made his decision. Then then, we catch a movie. LoLs... It was like 11pm then. Watched The Incredible Hulk. Oh dear... i almost dozed off watching. I am not saying that the movie was boring. It was interesting. Magnificent. Problem is, i am sleepy. XD Anyway, i did made it to finish the movie. ^^ Nice. Didn't waste Rm10 for nothing.
After Movie is like ... 1am... so late le ? Actually is due to sleepiness... I urge them to go home. Yup. They agree. Think all are sleepy. Not only me. WAkAKAKA~ 1am is also late la. LoLs... So, we go home, then get to bed...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next day...
Ok... Here it goes... i woke up like around 12pm. Get myself clean up, brush n wash. Headache... oh dear... overslept. Yes... sleeping too much do gives headache. So... just bear with the headache, i turn on my computer to play my dear online game, Maplestory. Was aiming for a 4th Job, level 120 as i already reached level 108. But u know what happen to maple? WTF! The server is like shit. Lagginess. Ok lo... Failed to train, cannot reach 4th job. Nevermind... Play tomorrow, maybe will be better. So i off my comp, go watch TV. Like usual day when there is no class, i will spend my time reading newspapers, watch tv, read some books, gaming... so on and so for. Since i can't play this darn maple, i do other things lo...
Next day...
WTF!!! Maple still cannot play! Pissed... Friends also busy with their own business/things... so on and so for... so i don't really go find them.
Next day...
WTF!!! Maple still KNS! CANNOT PLAY! PISSED...
Next day again...
OH MY GOD! Maple still lag like shit... You know, only Malaysia server like that. I asked my Singaporean friends, they have no problem mapling. Fine... Now is special time for maple. The game is giving off special offers to players. But Malaysians don't seems to be able to benefit from it. As for the server lags, we are unable to play. . .
Next day... ok... enough already... Maple still can't play... almost 2 weeks of maple laginess... unable me to play maplestory during my holiday... Quitting? u think so? NO! do u know how hard, how much time i spend to make it to level 108? DAMN! but lucky for me... i do have some patience, manage to get a friend, to train me. i just stand there leeching exp. XD Unfair? i am also a bit unfair lo... not training but gaining exp. so i make it to level 109.. but ever since laginess, it is no fun playing maple lo.. so i also not going mapling much already.
What can i do now?
Read... yes. Read.. I clear my book shelves, looking for books i didn't manage to finish last time... Start reading ... yoooooo~ done it like in 1 week... (left the lord of the rings, lazy to read since the vocab was like so... hard. Some words don't even existed in the dictionary. =.=''')
Ok... Now finish reading... so... i on msn like everyday to find people to chat... Oh dear... U do get bored though. Everyone is busy when u r so free... It isn't nice to bother others.
What can i do? pissed... Ever get a holiday so pissed? with nothing to do? Really hope to start my class soon. If not... i am really going to rust.

A Night... A Day... An Afternoon...

2008-06-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

It was like usual days, everyone will go to bed when they feel tired. So do i. I feel tired. I feel worn. I feel... lonely. Should be going into dreamland to find some people to play with, to chat with. That will be the best solution... But, I was unable to fall asleep, when my mind, my soul, my body are tired.
I choose to wake up. Sit up right on my bed, start having thoughts... What should i do now???
I wonder why am i still awake when everyone is sleeping soundly.
Why this is happening to me? I barely have the time to sleep, but this tiredness, should be giving me an urge to sleep right? Why is it the opposite? Nevermind. I stand up, walk out of the room, and get myself a bottle of water. I gulp the whole bottle empty, no worrying for toilet at later time... (why do i have to worry anyway? since i can't sleep right, i can go to the washroom anytime) then, i start reading *outdated* newspaper. LoL... 12 midnight, the news are just outdated. Still got some scrap value right? haha... Looking for the program news, see what is showing on TV.
Lucky, nowadays got EURO CUP to watch. WAKAKA! Won't bored to death...
I give myself some thoughts, exam is over, i should be feeling relieved. But why am i still like that? I even start talking to myself. I am tired. I don't want to be so... insane... ya right... insane... people who have split personality is not normal. And i don't want to be abnormal. Heck! Who wants to be abnormal???
Men, only have 2 types of worry. 1 is career/study, the other will be women. (heard of this almost like everyday)
WTF!!! My study... i do worry for my exam result... But that doesn't seems to be the most troubled matter. Women... =.='''
What about my girl???
I don't think there is any problem. I am running from the fact? or am i just thinking too much? She has been really cold lately. I feel... unsafe. I feel... fear. I feel lonely! What is lonely anyway... She is busy. She is really busy with her project, with her studies. She already told me, she is lately busy with her school work. So maybe will have littler time for me. Ya. That must be the reason. So i should not be worried. right? right? RIGHT? WTF!!! WHO CAN TELL ME!!! Friends... Who are trustable? Where are my tears? i am tired. Seems like my heart is running out of blood. My heart is missing and is cold when there are no blood circulation. Drifting...
Friends... I HATE THIS TOPIC!
Today... should be yesterday, i encounter a very peculiar question asked by a friend of mine. How to differentiate true friends and fake friends? I was stunned. I was struggling in this once ago. But i had forgotten how i came out from this confusion. I knew the importance of friends in one's life. But when you are used, how would you know? betrayal? what can you do?
I've learned of the way of forgiveness. Be grateful. Those who harm you, are giving you a lesson of life. Those who criticize you, are teaching you. In a way, you grow up. Grow up to be more matured. But humans are humans! I am also a human!!! I also have flesh and blood. I am not made of steel! I fear betrayal, I fear loneliness, I fear ... lost! I DO HAVE FEAR! I DO HAVE WORRIES! I AM NOT STEEL MADE! Please let me go... God... Let me go... stop teasing me... i wanted some rest. I am not blaming God for what is happening to me, but just, can all this stop for a second for me to breathe... where are all the people when i need one? Where? Even my body is resisting me... I feel like crying, but where are tears? Collapsed... ( still waiting for my tears to drop =.=''')
Imbalance of emotion... Must be imbalance of emotion. When was the last time i get angry and shout? i forget... when was the last time i do something insane? i forget... Take a deep breathe. It is time to let things go. The world looks more beautiful. Everything come around, will goes around( Justin timberlake's song also got such fact). Why feel sad or tired of it? Nothing is eternal... NOTHING. So do not put hope. Never put too much hope on anything. Hopeless! like one critic ever say, you are hopeless. Yes~ i will reply. I am hopeless. But i am not helpless. i will help myself out. i do not hope for any help from anyone. That makes me hope less. Right? ^^
Still got the mood for jokes? haha. I am me. I am still me. I am alright! Of course. Why care why worry when time will tell everything? Think your life span is too long ar? hahaha... See... talking to myself again... what to do? at least i am accompany + ing myself. I m helping myself. Like a hero in DOTA, RHASTA say: "I'll help you mon." "Don't worry, be happy. HaHaHa"

2nd~11st June Exam Days...

2008-06-12T22:37:00.000-07:00

On the 2nd of June, the beginning of nightmares for students taking ACCA and CAT. I was also under pressure, afraid of the exam. Yet, i still fool around, playing games, having fun... I am crazy... in a way that people call me insane or "pro" for not studying and still looks so carefree. They never know how much stress i feel... I don't blame them. Cause i also don't want to look stressed. Don't one looks as if so weak when they tell one they are under great pressure just because of this little exam? HAHAHAHA! I don't care anyway... But i try to keep myself from stress.
2nd of June, my first day of exam. I was, i thought i had fully prepare myself for it. When i get the paper, i feel ... blanked. But anyway, i still mange to answer all the questions available. Leaving it blank are wastage. Don't you think? So... i keep writing, i keep calculating... Lucky for me. I completed it. My parents, showing their care, ask me how is the exam going. Of course, i told them that i am not doing so well. Truth what... Then... they say i was not trying hard. Play too MUCH! Heck! I was so tired of this. Ya. True. I play a lot. Cannot deny this fact. But, i am also stress too. I don't want to get left behind and fail the exam do i? Man... So... i do accept a critic as compliment for hard work ... =.= (insane is always an insane!)
I even have to sleep at my cousin's house for the exam crucial dates to look after those kids as their parents go traveling. Sad... I was unable to get much sleep there. And it is a need to woke up early in the morning to open the gates and off the lights. Since their house is huge... duh... run all about to do this do that... Nevermind. At least i had fun there. Haha. So... since i woke up quite early, might as well do some revision. Read bit by bit... but usually, a 30~ 1 hr of reading worn me out... So... i just left my textbook on the sofa and get my tired body to the bathroom. Wash and brush. It is the starting of games for the day. Play whole day... and at night, my parents came n took us all out for dinner. Nice...
So... at least, i get to study a bit in the morning. Hahaha...
10th June, another exam day
This day, was tax paper. Good thing! Tax was not that hard... for me. LoLs... So i had it on quite nice... done it in around 2 hours. Wakakaka! So i was quite happy with the paper and my performance on tax paper. Yeah! A well done! I had a great sleep that night knowing i can have a paper, passing for sure! ^^
11th June, final day...
Wah~ Paper 10. Finance paper. I was so confident in this. I read through the essays and calculation. Find that i can memorize everything... or maybe most of it... Yet, when i get the question paper... I WAS "DROWNED" by question marks! The questions, i can manage to answer all. But it is hard! Man! Complicated! Most of my friends were saying there is a possibility of failing too... Oh dear... I DON'T WANT TO FAIL! I CANNOT FACE THIS FAILURE! WTF!!!
Sad... Fear... Every hell of passiveness, Negativity came to me. That night was... With my friends. We went to have our dinner and had a few game of DOTA. Was not able to concentrate much. Win no feel, Lose also no feel. LOLS! so numb... So tired...

18th May Bowling Competition

2008-05-23T04:34:00.000-07:00

A sunday long slumber was force to stop for the stupid bowling competition. I woke up 7 in the morning, get myself prepared and ready to get out for breakfast before the event. This event was organised by the school. Since it was organise by the school, my friends and i decide to take part... just for fun. LOLS. I don't even know why i join their insanity... Or m i just insane as well? hahaha... anyway... So it goes. My parents take me to breakfast. Then my friends came to the coffee shop to take me to there. Duh~ We went in quite late though... but also, we are not late. kekeke... Like what says, Better late than never... Or... we arrive just in time for action.
So... i was forced to be the leader of the team... it wasn't supposed to be me... =.="' damn those people. But, that is not important anyway. Hey, i never even touch a bowling ball before... how am i suppose to play??? Sure will embarassed myself on the field. oh well, so just play along.
So... 9~ time to start... as a leader, i will be the first to play in the team... OH~ by the way, the team was named (LPPL BOYZ) due to our... League of Players that are Proffesional Loser(also can say is lan pa pa lan boys la cause we really are newbies in this). Hey, we never play bowling before u know. It is like going to war empy-handed.
Ok... time to start... i took up that stupid ball, just let it roll to the 10 pins. wakakakakaka! At least my first shot didn't go into the drain(longkang). This is not really humiliating. So... after that was my friend's turn. Wow... although was the first time playing, he was lucky enough to get a strike... =.= was that luck or what... ok... let's continue... it is like, going on, bam bam boom boom... until my 3rd shot... i injured my tumb. =.=''' Yeah~ no more smooth bowling for me... ouch! It really hurt! So... my shots all become longkang cleaner shots. U know what that means right? haha... almost make my team become the worst players team. haha... lucky for me, one of my friend stil maintain it well. So my injury... 6~8 shots of cleaning the drain.... until then... i saw someone, who is also new to bowling, their way of throwing the ball... lols... so i followed... at least i still maintain to hit a few pins. No more 0~~ yeah~ haha!
SO... just like that la... didn't lose, didn't win... sad... no prize. At least, u know, there is a prize for the worse loser. Wakakaka! was hoping to at least get the prize. At least we can get something... lols... however, this event does not provide a prize for the worse loser. T_T sad...
so... just like that la... a whole morning wasted... my time of seeing my dream girl, my time of dream, my precious time of "hallucinating"~ =X
So~~~ that's all for that... afternoon is like usual... haih~

Tiring exams...

2008-05-16T01:41:00.000-07:00

Again... exams. Today, there is a mock exam waiting for me. Later... Just a few hours left from now. But, i don't feel well. My tummy is playing tricks with me. Worse... i don't know why that i am feeling nervous. It is just a mock anyway. Not the real thing in June.
I didn't get any nice sleep last night. Although i went to bed at 11, a bad dream woke me 5 early in the morning. I can't remember what frightened me. But i just know it was sad and dreadful. Duh~ just a dream. Forget about it... That is what i tell myself. Anyway, i get over it. Woke up and get ready for school. Most tiring things came. Morning got class plus an exam tonight. This is killing me... A whole day staying in school.
This is some pressure... LOLS! thought i m stress free? hahahahaha! Seems to me that i am not after all... I am just worried about my performance in June. I had no reasons for myself to fail those exams. Such failure will bring me big sorrow and slow my progress down. Slowing down means slowing down my dream and slowing down my objectives... that comes to breaking my promise as well!!! I have no much time to waste on this small thing. Completing this is just the first step of getting into what i wanted. I do not care what is the cost, but that is a must to attain. So hopefully, i will not be slowed down by such miserable feelings. Pray to God... And work my way out.
Ever wonder why one gives oneself an objective to obtain?
I was one without dreams... Not that i am without one, my dream was broken. LOLS. Anyway, lets look for another one. So i gave myself another dream, another objective in my life. I do wonder why ones need an objective... so here it goes... one without a reason to live... is there any meaning in living? NO! right? and if you have no target, where will u go? No where... so what to do??? Must give myself a target lo~~~ I do mean it you know? So... i gave myself a target, an objective to acheive.
Now... sometimes... i asked myself... why am i taking accounting course? It is not like that was what i wanted to be... But this can relate to my dream though... hahaha... so just go with it then... Don't question so much. Life goes on. Move on~ (*Quoted from Rachel, her signature quote =x)
So... now... stop typing... get back to your revision boy... =.= i do hate this. But anyway, doing this for my future, is there any reason to quit? NOT AT ALL!!! wakakakaka! so... Wish Me Good Luck~ And all the best!!!

12 May... A day i can't forget...

2008-05-12T02:38:00.000-07:00

You know what day is this? It is the 12 of May!!!
12th of May means a lot to me. Or should i say it is meaningful to me. Today is my brother's birthday. Of course, we celebrate his birthday like usual... every year this happens. LoL...
U know what else? 12th of May can also be a Mother Day!~ Mother's day...
What more? 12th of May can also be a Wesak Day! know what is that? it is a day of the buddhist. There are parade usually. haha...
Besides all these special day... It is also a very very special day to me. The day i broke up with my first ex... Guess what? 12th of May become a day i never forget... never can do... =.='''
Furthermore... my family was out traveling. On holiday to Penang... And i was alone at home. Sick some more. It took place in 2006. Haha... Such an event that is sad should be forgotten. Some ever told me this. But this date is too easy to remember... maybe it is due to my brother's birthday, so that makes me unable to forget this date... unless i got an accident and knock my head... lost partial of my memory... LoL... i do not hope for that to happen... wakakakka~ Anyway, that is 12th of May. *hope it was 29th Febuary* So only 4 years once. LoL... haha.
But, i don't care lah. Every year also got 12th of May. What can i do? just treat it like every normal day la... it is nothing also what... right? Duh~
After reading, feel that this is a waste of time typing eh... LOLS~ Get on with it. Life mah, sure got ups and downs la... Why stop here? hehe... so~ my life goes on... ... ...
Eh! Now got a really nice gf also mah. Why care what happen in the past? =P

Accountant Survival Race~

2008-05-04T05:33:00.000-07:00

Woo~ What a nice day!! It was the 1st of May. I joined a game, held by MIA (Malaysia Institute of Accountant) It was like exploring and completing task. Although didn't win the race, but i m fulfill with the result. At least we finish the race and didn't give up.
Few days before 1st of May...
"Hey, CLK! wanna join in a game?" Daniel asked. I was blurred and don't know what was happening. But u know, ever since it is a game, it will be hard for me to turn it down. So i give a simple reply as to "bring it on~" Laugh Out Loud. Then he give me a very cute look saying, "RM10 please." My brain was coming up with "WTF!!! why need to pay?!!!" But ever since my friends are mostly joining the game, i just might as well join in to have fun. A team contains of maximum 5 people. A driver, a navigator and 3 members. Laugh Out Loud... Since i was last to know, i surely have no choice just being the 3rd member.
So the game commence at 8 in the morning. A total of 24 teams, compete to get first... So... When the clock struck 8, the navigator, Ting (this is how i call that friend of mine) came rushing down the stairs and instructed all of us(team mates) to put the game's cloth on. Laugh Out Loud... all the teams did the same... After getting double-layered, all teams are given the first clue to the first check point.
We quickly step into the car and get moving... lols... i still can remember the clue... Ting handed me the clue, and i read it out loud so everyone can help think it out... the clue goes like this...
Official Residence
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
Former Law & Order
Heck... first thing that came into my mind was... a court. How stupid of me... So we discussed and get ourselves to the city center where the old polis station lies. Obviously, we are going the wrong place. Then i hit jackpot! I say with pretty much confidence, "Hey guys~ will it be possible to be at the riverbank where our former polis camp is? Next to that place is a residence and the blue thing might be telling us about a river!!!" So we rushed to that place... Our beloved driver, Delon... park at a really far distance where the boat to cross the river is... so we had no choice but to run all the way to the jetty... i think is like 1 KM length... so... early in the morning run like crazy people. Luckily we got the right place! Yeah! So we take the boat across the river. We complete the task quite fast. Laugh Out Loud... should be saying very fast!~ in less than 15 seconds, the task is completed... (i need to praise myself abit.. i m the one who complete it. XD) Here comes task 2~
We rush back to the jetty, going back to where the car is... Man~ 1KM again! tiring... Anyway, when we are in, we quickly came to guess where clue 2 is leading us. hehe... All so clever.
Checkpoint 2
Kuching bridge is falling down,
falling down falling down,
Kuching bridge is falling down,
My fair lady.
Laugh Out Loud... so we came to a conclusion that this must be telling us an event that took place few years ago where a bridge goes unstable and collapsed. We make our way there, and leading. WOW! taking the envelope that contains checkpoint 3, we move on.
Checkpoint 3
3-01-02
RPR Matang
Heck... we need to travel some distance to matang. And where the heck is RPR matang?!!! So we are wondering... blurred... my friend, Phang make a call to his uncle that lives in matang... very well... we are now heading somewhere... But with the best of luck, we are getting to the wrong place... =.='''
"Sorry, please try again."
This was the sign in that particular flat Phang's uncle lead us to. So, out of clue, we drove back to pump petrol. We decide to deduct our 2 points for information.. so a phone call is made to the Marshal of the game. He told us where to go... Laugh Out Loud! it was even more further than we thought! Luckily we went to pump some petrol before moving on... Finding checkpoint 3 took us alomost 2 hours!!! Sadly, we lose alot in checkpoint 3. When we reached checkpoint 3, we are asked to solve a accounting statement... haha... that is simple job to us as we are accounting students! So in a few minutes, it is solved... we got our envelope for checkpoint 4, we moved on.
Checkpoint 4
A drawing
LoL... it is the most easiest. We knew where to go... and yeah~ we reached there quite fast... Laugh Out Loud... Forget to mention, we 5 people, was like insane shouting in the car! And more worse, whenever we meet some slow driver, we will start cursing people! wah~ so bad~
Ok OK~ checkpoint 4 require us to cook. =.=''' 5 male trying to cook... imagine how hilarious that will be... an egg given, 2 pieces of solid oil... and we need to cook the egg... best to be hard boiled... OH MY GOD!~ Lighting up the fire is taking us like... ok... forget about this part... it just end up in a mess anyway. Laugh Out Loud... got our marks deducted, we moved on to the final destination.
Checkpoint 5
Salang Talang Talang Matang
With a picture of a people fishing
This clue... we have no idea too... So we just ask the locals... Just nice... they know. They told us to go to telaga air... lols... so we just go... GO GO GO~!!!
ok... we are here. We are like the 19th team to reach. Heck... anyway, we made it... besides, we are at least faster than some teams and 2 of them are my friends' team. We help each other on the way, telling where and how to do the task. Anyway, we had a BBQ feast there. It is tiring, but fun. Haha... we took some photo there. At least this are some of the best memories i will never forget. ^^ really looking forward to the next year's event. We will get ourselves to improve!

Treasured Memories

2008-04-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

This post was thought through the whole night. Yesterday night... many things came into my mind, and i finally came to decide that these must be written down. Humans' life are short, and i do not know what will happen to me tomorrow. What if i came to a stage where i lost my memories... beautiful moments and those that are precious in heart will be gone with the wind. Mortality was human body, immortality was humans' soul and so do memories. i do hope can bring immortality to this memory.
It was December, 2006... This is when we finally get to start. I came to realise, she might be the one i am looking for... She might be nothing to this world, but to me, she will be my world.
16th December, 2006.
This particular night, i do recall the night to be a full moon. Because that night, i was looking out at the window, hoping that she will give me an answer. A question given long asked in November. It sure does test my patience. But no thoughts of giving up had came into my mind. My phone rang. I came by to see a message received showing on the screen. It was from her. I don't really remember the content but it does sounds like telling me she has the answer to my question. I gave her a call to ask again. This is how everything started.
30th December, 2006.
First date with her. Laugh out Loud. i simply can't forget this day. It is her birthday. We meet up in school and get down to city center for some... dating. That day, was raining. Haha. Raining. So we had a movie and go for some shopping... I do feel a bit odd. She wasn't like other girls, when it comes to shopping, they go mad... lols... i don't mean to offend anyone. But, ain't shopping a big hobby for girls? She was like so obedient. Sad thing is, time flies. after a movie and some little walk in the mall, she had to get home. So... need to get her home or she'll get screwed. Of course, i don't want her parents to blow their top on her... that would be painful to her, and painful to me too...
After this day, she had to go for national service... ("darn those government. Ain't national service supposed to be more focus on male citizen? What type of governing is this? duh~"
) Anyway, we just can get to chat on the phone on weekends... and worst... i can't meet up with her... (Wonder why God set such big challenges for us? Keeping us apart... But at least, heart is still connected. That is what i feel important.) Until Chinese New Year came, i finally get to meet her again. YOO~~~WOOHH~~ excited. Feel like ages. Hmm~ i do feel so... Anyway, that was a nice reunion... Sad... only once we meet in chinese new year... she was having a week holiday!
Stop here a moment...
Don't you feel bad? Sad eh. This is a bad thing. Or is it not? I do feel bad... cause, i don't really make a good boyfriend. I don't really understand her. Worse... i don't make much initiative on asking her out. But i do treasured her. I wanted her to stay with me....
Let's get back...
So... after a week, she went back for more national service. Luckily, only 3 months required. So by March something, she is back. ^^ happy as alway... for i knew she is safe and sound. After her return, i give her calls more often. But despite the bills, more is to smsing... at least, can reduce my spending... i m still a student... i can't afford to pay much. Hm... lets not talk about money matter... I do feel her smile worth more than any money value.
By April, my course commence... Time is getting more and more packed up for me. That reduce our time to meet up. Is it my problem? Sure it must be my problem. I didn't manage well... But you know, she hardly complains. That is what amazed me. I really do treasured her because she never do complain much. Where can i find another girl that is as great as her?
Sad things happen again... Bad news came to my ears... She is going to West Malaysia to further her study... Our relationship is bounded by another distance challenge again. God gives us lots of challenges... and i do trust that i will find the right one through time, and i do trust her to be the one.
It has been more than one year now. We are still in a relationship. And it is not a simple task to maintain long distance relationship. But we make it. She is coming home for her holiday soon. I sure am pleased by this news. However, there is pressure. I do not know the exact thing that is causing me this pressure... i know, my finals is approaching me. And i do hope to make my exams pass with flying colours. I want to end my course fast! Because i make her a promise. I need time. Time to fulfill my dream and my target. And she also promised to wait. I really am touched and i really do... When i build my future, i am including her too. But i know, time is precious... very~ especially to girls... am i too selfish to let her wait??? Or should i set her free? promise is a bond that ties you. And if i fail to reach my goal fast, i wasted her time. I wanted all the best for her. And if i fail to do so, it sure will pains me into my spine. I really do want all the best for her. And that is all i hoped to do...
Man... i gotta stop here.

Blur Blur Style

2008-04-18T02:13:00.000-07:00

Blurred... i woke up. My dreams in the morning caught me. Why does human dream? Where does this dream thing come from? Is it something that will happen? or is it just some crap? Blurred.
I never wonder why one become blur in their day to day routine life. As this must be caused by something or someone with certain reasons. No one is born to be blurred. Maybe... laugh out loud... Unless that particular person is a handicap... duh~ i focus on normal people. I mean normal human ain't born blurred. So... this question continues...
Is it just me or is it that something is really getting into my head? Man, my head... it is still me anyway... Blurred.
Lately life has been normal like usual. However, there seems to be a minor increase in stress and pressure. This must be caused by what i intended to obtain in my exam. Coming soon... So soon... Yet, i never done much revision. But i am not satisfied with the "me" now. I want to be better. How come human is never satisfied with what they have? This ... cannot be a fact though... some still reserves the rights to be easily fulfilled with what they have now. Of course that does not refers to me... i ain't such a person. Or am i??? Blurred.
So called a blur life... supposed many people lead such life... Never really know what they actually wants. But still, get on with their life just like that... Follow blindly. But i do know, one without dreams and objectives in life really do lead a boring life... and will feel that life is meaningless. Blurred...
Blurred... But never let blurred dull your senses... Do remember who you are... and move ahead. Get yourself a dream... a target to acheive. That will make life interesting. But do not neglect what u feel important. Once you lost it, you may not be able to find it back.
Head is getting dizzy... Feeling giddy... perhaps should stop here and get myself some rest... there are more to do. So... so long...

Why school always relates to exams?

2008-03-27T00:17:00.000-07:00

Man! What on earth... Exam is always so annoying to most of the students. Of course, that number of students includes me. I think, most of the students will think exams sucks. Laugh out Loud. LoL... "agreeable" eh? hehe...
Lately, school is having exams again. Of course, that isn't the biggest(largest or what u called it... pressure?)exam that i fear. because, some really great heart pumping exams is approaching so xxxx soon. This is the exam that call for my future, my speed of completing my goal that i set for my life. Hmm... if i haven't set this goal... i believe i m still a know nothing, doing nothing and having no future... lols... sounds like a weakling and a good for nothing.
Anyway, that is not what happen now... it is no longer the same... i had my dream set... and that is of course, pushing myself further. Human do need some stress and pressure as a catalyst for improvement. LoLs... at least that is what i think. A simple push from a foe can make one's feel challenged. And of course, that means making one's more hardworking. LoL... i don't think that will be me... but you know, i don't really feel threatened when someone challenged me... of course, when i do feel threatened, i will fight for what i want. Sounds really stuborn? wakakakaka! I am stuborn. Can't blame me for that. I am born this way.
Lets bring it back to my coming exam... CAT exam... my final stage to complete this first little step to my goal. Life is boring without waves of challenges and ups and downs. hahaha... Let me continue with my study... and another small step to my objective. I do hope that i don't have to stop while i am on my way to my dream... "kill all on your path!" lols... That is what i was told... i don't know from who i heard that from but that is a phrase i remember. For exams... everyone, hardwork will payoff! All my friends, don't feel stress on just little little exams... it is just a small test, a small stone on the road of life. Let not make a small fall end the fire that burns within you!

Sickness & Health

2008-03-12T05:05:00.000-07:00

Today, 12th March... i visited my grandpa in hospital. Wow~ located quite far away from town, took a 40 minutes drive there. It is a long period i stay there with my grandpa. 6 hours... During the period of "nothing to do ness", many things came into my brain. Every human being will need to pass through this step in life... but is there any exception? i really feel painful seeing them all... we live to die? This is a really pessimistic saying. But it is real. It is true. Can't deny that this thing is a fact. So... is there a way or is there any possibility that someone can run away from this chain?
Life is like a chain... Everyone will step into this chain. We grow up... go to school... work... grow old... fall sick... died... i don't mean running away from death, cause death itself will be there to take you to another journey... somewhere... That is what i think of course... it might not be true...
Anyway, i started thinking... it started with my daddy... a father and son relationship. That time, i finally realize that this is very very important! You will have nothing to say, you will have nothing to do... and when you are there to take care of him, you 2 hardly communicate... talk... in other words...
lets bring it to the next level... the grandson and grandpa relationship... LoL... is this a question? it is the problem on me... LoL... i really do feel sad that i hardly communicate with my grandpa. I tried my best to talk with him... But it is just hard. There is a case that came into my mind. If a grandson never visit his/her grandparents, they will not know each other... and of course, will feel very far away from them. Is this an act of unfilial or is it not? i don't really know... Maybe just that i think too much. But it is important to take care of health. Health is more important than anything on earth ever. A stroke may take away your moving capability. That will be a burden, not only to yourself, but also your love ones.
LoL... then again... another question came to me... If i m now in the age of 30~40.. and my dad fall sick and will be the one lying there... what will i do? questions questions questions~ Then, i give myself an answer. I, of course will stay there, like now, take care of him. But i don't want it to be like this, where communication is a problem. I really don't hope so. I really wish we can talk... we can laugh. Even in the hospital, heart must stay happy. At least this can reduce feeling down, sad, and pressure.
Then again... questions... What if i m the one lying there now? LOL... this question takes me out for a breathe of fresh air... LoL.. i m old and out. And my children... heck? my children? wow... that is so far away... LoL... but this will also happen one day... when i m old... then i start thinking... is there any way of running away from falling sick and staying away from hospital before i m going to another journey? LoL... escaping the truth... hehe... i really am a coward, hiding from the fact of growing old. Death... anyway, i cleared my mind afterwards... get back inside... and of course, stop thinking so much... and resume my responsibility of keeping him comfy and safe. ya right... safe...
Life and Death... it is just a matter of difference of time... a game of time. Of course, you will never be the winner!

Blessing or Curse?

2008-03-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

Politics... Politics... Politics... These are the things happening in Malaysia these few days. Only when election is near, politicians come out to claim that what they do and what they done in the past and what sweet promises they gives to the people of the country. Sad to hear, the government is not stable. Anyway, it is better not to get personal. I just want a fair and free life. If the government treats me unjust, for sure i will show my stance to get what i deserve.
Blessing or curse? What is this to do with the politics?
It is just simple to say, i rather not put it in politic field. haha~ anyway, i rather put it in a form that consist study. A good teacher will be able to make a good student, better. Where as, when a teacher is not reliable and always will make mistakes while teaching, he will cause a good student to become a normal student. Downgrading... how sad... When student don't respect you, how can you be a good teacher? Besides, this may also cause the students to dislike that particular subject. When you don't like something, will you work hard or even pay attention to that particular subject? No, right? I believe every student will say so.
Now, on the other hand, i also intend to put it on neighbour. Do you know there are pros and ons of having a neighbour? Laugh out Loud? Sure many will be laughing as this is a question that came out in primary school essay question. Even a young child can answer this. Good neighbours of course, will bea blessing. Bad neighbour, boo~ of course is curse. Really lame ya?
How about putting it on having a sleeping Prime Minister? oh no~ not about politics again... skip it... sleeping PM got many blessing you know? of course is for the ministers and others related. But to the people ... hmm... i have nothing to say... hehe...

Broken Lie
Sleepy shepherd gives a promise
to guard the sheep will all his might
Sleepy shepherd guarding sheep
a wolf came out with wool alike
the boy overlook with blurry eyes
never know got wolf in disguise
until the day he need trade for rice
counting sheep he counted twice
oh my god my sheep is gone
where did all my "people" go
everyone's blood is boiling
going to check what he is doing
when they ask him he just said
no no no
please listen to me
i did my best
please don't blame me
everyone are getting upset
disappointed by what he had said
no no no
you made a promise
get down and off we had enough
we don't want you to look after our stuff!

I just made it up for fun. Don't put it on anything ok? Ok... i think it is time for my break... Some rest and some relaxation... haha... so... stop here.

A friend indeed!

2008-02-29T21:34:00.000-08:00

Today, i had to walk my brother to school. He is already 13 and still need someone to walk him to school... Anyway, this is not the important part. What nice is i get the chance to meet my very best pal, PBL!
Haha... it has been quite some time already since the last time i see him. He is still the same. tanned skin, thin and tall. Many things happen between us. And that is how i get to know he will be the best friend ever.
Still remember, last time, years ago when we was form 5. That time we was having exam and my family goes on vacation. I was left alone at home. Unluckily, i fall sick. He came to my house, had a "vacation" at my house. I really do appreciate that time. Not only him, there are still some of them. These few people, are really really important as they had accompany me throughout my most hard and painful time. I still remember, it was 12th of May. I break up with my first-ex. And i was all alone. All alone. But they showed up. Cheering me up all the way. I really do appreciate the time they were around. It will be a precious moments, saved forever in soul.
There is another one, who is always so straight in her wordings. But that is how she is, thats is how she makes me let her into my bestest best friend list! JPC!
It is a coincidence, a surprise when i saw her, coming for tuition, additional maths taught by my cousin. Before i know her, i think she is a proud girl, leading a "strict" life. Until that time, i finally get to know, she is not what i think she was. She is friendly. Only her words are sharp and painful. (please don't be angry ya) But this is what nice about her. I do consult her for a better self. I actually treat her as my big sister! Although she didn't act like one, but i respect her as one.She did make me changed to be a better person! And i do appreciate her help. She is now taking on the course to becoming a teacher in the future. And hardly have the time to reply. Just hope that she can still remember me this little brother.
Timothy~ How can i forget you? TCYS!
This big guy, i just get the chance to see him on this Chinese New Year. He is more slim now. However, he is still the same, handsome and so charming. Having a big size, he still has a caring heart. We really had a great time together for our last 2 years time of secondary school life. We played, we got caught, scolded by teacher... Hahaha... Come to think of it, it is kinda funny now. But that was a great time we have there. Although we cannot be brothers in blood, but i really am happy to have such a friend like you. May the friendship last. We still have an unfinished business with Keegan Luke and Mr.Andrew LKC!
Here are the few of them, who had come into the top my bestest best friends list.If i am to continue writing about my bestest best friend list and about them, i think i will not be able to finish. My friends, i really do hope our friendship will last. Take care!

Defend Of The Ancient

2008-02-28T03:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know what i can say about this... This game was introduced to me by a friend of mine, Daniel. This game really get into me for some time... Getting so into it. We go to CC (Cyber Cafe) for a match once in a while. Lately, i found it really stupid. It is always the same no matter how much you train and how you play. The one with a better knowledge of the game will always takes the upper hand. And... It don't really mean anything.
Ok... About DOTA. This is a game of battle among 2 teams. The Sentinels and The scourge. I did found books about these nightelves and Undead from Warcraft. It is nice to see the story of these thing. The writer really got a nice imagination.
This is a 3D game, where 2 parties fight each other out. Using skills, with health points and mana points, each hero has their own different ability. It is divided into 3 main type, strength, agility and intelligent.
I myself prefer agility hero cause, they move faster and swifter. Laugh out Loud. Anyway, i am kinda fed up with it. Using Agi hero all the time. So... after some time, i starts using Str hero... str is not bad oh... at least they are strong and have long health points(HP). Damage is also partially high! However, i also starts to get fed up of str hero. So... i try on Int hero! Wow... Int hero is slow, low damage, low HP. LoL. But one thing about Int hero, they are good! those clever player, can make good use of the skills.
Anyway, i have no idea why this game is so nice... it is kinda violent... in a way...LoL. This was quoted from a friend of mine who say DOTA is violent! Anyway, it is a nice game. Whenever you feel stress or unhappy, get into the game, start killing! It might be able to cure it! What a miracle... ya right!
Anyway, it is not recommended to play it all the time. There is news about Dota that is bad. Really bad. Especially to those with relationship. Some will get so obsess about the game as they can't take losing or just enjoy the feeling of killing and winning the battle all the time. They starts to play alot. And that means forget about their love ones. It is sad...
Lets conclude. This Dota thing, is nice just to be an entertainment. Play it once in a while to relief stress and strain.

Maplestory Friends!

2008-02-27T03:12:00.000-08:00

Maplestory, this is a game i started to play since Dec 2006. Since this game is an online game, i get to know some online friends from all over Malaysia... and also Singapore!
How i started this game was because of my cousin. they introduced me into playing this game. Laugh out Loud. This game is also kinda entertaining when you feel down cause, u can just get in there, see those cute cute graphics and facial expression. And also find some really really nice friends oh!

Let me begin with HoliePenguin! Penguin! Pigguin! CJW!~ ^^
PENGUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is how i greet her whenever i saw her online. Or the other way round, HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whenever she saw me online. LoL... Sounds stupid right? but this is what games are meant to be. Can let you be stupid... And, she is also stupid. Wahahaha! This very person here, is the best friend ever oh... My first Maple Friend since my first character.

Clement! The PRO! tnemelc01!!!
Clement~ My first ever maple friend from SG (Singapore). He is a nice guy... Sometimes really pessimistic, but this is how he is. I think is because he is still single until now. Have no confidence about himself. I can only conclude my comment about this guy with one word, A VERY VERY nice pal to have! CLEMENT, i pass the "ball" to you, because i trust you. ^^

Rachel Jia Shuen( i know your name you don't know mine! wakakakaka)~ Serenity89!
Haha... this girl oh... My maple dar dar~ very pro de... of course not in maple(Don scold me ya XD). It is in her study... She is science student, tackling medicine! Wow... this is a course that is very hard(to me) to take on. Although i never meet her in real, and i also don't know her much, i think, she is a nice person. It is nice at least, when i feel down, i can seek for her help. LOL... Although she didn't help much, just... oh ah oh at whatever i said. HaHa... Anyway, it is nice to know this crazy girl.

Aiele~ JessMinMin!!!
This one... Another from SG. To be frank, I really do admire her style and her personality. Haha... Being a girl, and still so funky and play so much... Lost count of how many ex she had... Anyway, she is a great friend i have through maple. I really like being around and talk and chat with her as she always can make of a way to let people around her being happy all the time. Never ever see her sad. Wow... just super cheerful! ^^ Aiele, i really am grateful to know you oh. No thxs required ^^

My Partner DK~ KaeiShinz! Kelvin!
Kelvin, he is funny. Always being lame and makes people laugh. He is sometimes kinda emo as he gets upset for little things. Kelvin, it is nice knowing you and nice having your help. You really are a nice partner. One day we can reach 4th Job(maple thing) together!

There is plenty more friends i know in maple, of course, here are the most and most most important of all! I really am happy to know all of you. Hope can meet you guys in real, and may the friendship lives forever.

Stress and pressure?

2008-02-25T03:39:00.000-08:00

It is odd... i have been feeling stress and pressure lately... i wonder what is causing this. It is somehow very breathe taking... make me worn out so easily everyday. Anyway, i think i am supposed to be facing it with everything i got. Pressure is something everyone will face. It only differs how everyone treat it. If i can't take it, i am totally not ready to face the world...
Yes... lately, my luck is still with me... but it seems like, i don't like it. I feel like my heart is gone somewhere. It is not with me anymore. Feel more like a zombie. But, it is not like me to be giving up half way here. This is not a nice thing to do to say, "i give up!" or "God!~ this is so unfair to me!"
No! this is not what i do... This is for the weak that is trying to run away from problems.
Stress? i am attacking directly on you now. give me all that you got!
LoL... Is it odd that i start to talk to myself? After receiving news that i had passed my 2 papers on 18th february, this stress and pressure thing just came to me. It is so unbelievable. I know, most people will feel relief as they knew they had finally go through this heart-stopping part of life when you are waiting for your result.
Anyway, it is time to face this stress... maybe i need some rest... and then get back to the stop-point and fire off hitting my target! Gambateh Mr.Z. Go get your dream!

What A blissful day!

2008-02-18T03:37:00.000-08:00

I had a really nice day. I was still feeling nervous all morning, since the result for my exam is coming out soon, there is no space for relaxation. However, my friends and i tried to stay calm all along. We had some card games, talk some nonsense, trying not to focus thinking about the exam result.
Hey, some luck i possess. I win all along. From the first game until the last game i played, i never lose. That is some sort of blessing i got. That particular time, my mind was thinking that if i have my luck all put it into the examinations, and wish that my result turns out to be nice, i would love to lose now, and win later.
Anyway, it is 3 in the afternoon. The result had finally been released. The urge for me to go and see the outcome is so intense that there i doesn't have much concentration in class. Nervous.
Finally, recess came. We(my fellow friends and i) take our time, walk to the computer lab, and click on the internet browser icon. Search for accaglobal.com, and there, it comes. We take turns, keying in our password and look at our result... heart is beating so fast that there might be chances for people fainted. Laugh out loud... like that would happen... =.=
My turn, my turn! keying in my password, i prayed. i wish i can see something good... poof!
TADA! OH MY GOD! I passed both my papers. This is such an excitement! we gave each other a Hi5 and start congratulating each other. Of course, we also feel sad for those who can't make it pass the exam. At least, no one cried.
After getting the result, i don't even pay much attention in class. Luckily the lecturer just give us some exercises to do. Anyway, this is just a short excitement and blissfulness. For some unknown reason, happiness just faded. I think i should not be happy for just such little little success and forsake my studies on other papers. There is more to come and i cannot just stop here. Come to think of it, i still have a long way to go. This is just the beginning. Wish me luck. Mr. Z, Lets excel. Reach for the top and make your future comes true. All my friends, move on. We will make it to the top!

I Visited a Place that Gives me some Sad Memories...

2008-02-17T04:00:00.000-08:00

It was 2 years ago, that particular place, the month was April... That was a place where i go for a holiday with lots of friends and teachers. It was a school outing, a holiday for prefects only. Of course, some teachers are in charge. That was the time, we had a holiday together, i had a wonderful time with my first ex. It was... deep. I wanted to wash it away, but that memory is just too hard to be cleared of my head.
I swore never to go to that place again. As that is a place with nice memories, it also gives me a "heartache". I tried to forget them. Yes. I did forget them... for some time... ya right...
Sadly, today, my parents brought me there for some family outing. My GOD... there again? Those memories just came back into my head... flowing in like water. I had to face all those things all over again. Watching the place, everything is still the same... only people changed. (i am of course one of the person that changed) It is so ridiculous. I saw the past... the place we had our dinner, we played... so on and so for... Heck... My heart starts to ache again...
However, ever since it is a past, i don't have to put it on myself so hard. I should just let it go. (hey! i got a girlfriend now. And she is great. The best that i had ever knew) So... anyway, just let it be then. I showed my parents around, it was not that bad as that place also makes me remember some of my friends' stories over there. I still remember, a very best friend of mine, had a sad holiday as his gf break up with him. But he is now back to normal now. And that was a 2 years ago. My GOD. I suppose i m the only one that remember so much.
Anyway, everyone should treasured what that they feel important to them. Of course, it is a important to learn from mistakes. And, i have learned a lot from that particular holiday 2 years ago. Friends are important in your life. Learn to forgive and forget, it really makes your life better.

Lost and still finding...

2008-02-15T08:06:00.000-08:00

Lost? What is missing? My dog? My cat? Laugh Out Loud. Too bad i didn't raised any pets. For some reason, my parents don't allow me to have pets. Wonder why???
So... Lost and still finding... what am i finding anyway? This is a very tough question to answer. Even i, myself don't know why. I believe, some people is alike me. They are also looking for themselves. Some people tend to loss their personality as a result of too concern with how others looks at them. This is the main reason for people to hide their real personality and try to use a new face to meet people. This is almost like cheating. I think i am like this too. It is a sad case. Really sad.
Finding myself... This started when someone told me something that is hard to forget for life. She says, i am wearing a mask to face people. This mask is causing me to loss myself. After thinking about it, i really am. I do feel sad. Cause i don't remember. I don't know how or what is my personality. I changed like weather. So unpredictable. Some even say i am negative. HaHaHa? That is so untrue. If i am negative, i won't be thinking about improving myself already. Maybe i am afraid of losing. But improving yourself is not a crime right? But... What that someone says really does makes sense. It is more nice to just be yourself. Now, when you get lost, when you finally get to realize that you want to know who you are, that is the time, you feel blurred... you feel lost... feel... uncomfortable.
However, i believe, someday, i can find myself. My true self. Maybe it is not what i expected, but it is real. It is pure and it can bring happiness. Wish me luck everyone. ^^

Valentine's Day, Mr.Z

2008-02-13T22:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day. This suppose is the day, when couple hang out together, spend their lovely time to nurture a better relationship. As the word happy is there, it is suppose to be happy, full of bliss and of course, sweet.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone greets me. As usual, i will give a reply just the same. But tagging along a shameful feeling, i feel sorry for my dear.
It is hard to get the chance like this when we are free and are back in hometown. She will be leaving to study soon but i... end up doing nothing today. Just spend my time here, writing. I don't know what to do. I am such a good for nothing boyfriend. I am trapped at home.
So... i decided to send her a message. She didn't even blame me. She even says never mind. It is ok if i can't make it. But i think, deep inside, she might be sad. Hiding and taking all the pain for herself, she is really the best.
When i get the chance to see her soon, I wanna hug her tight, tell her i owe her too much. Forever is too short a time, as i will love her all my life, each day, until the day i die. Spending Valentine's day alone? I don't really think so. If you have her in your heart, you are never alone.

Happy New Year Mr.Z!

2008-02-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

Hello, Happy Chinese New Year~ Mr.Z, Happy is a simple word. According to the Dictionary, it means joy, bliss, delighted. Chinese New Year, is also known as the Lunar New Year. For some reason, i feel that new year is like everyday routine. Difference is that it is a holiday with "ang pau"(red packet). This is of course for kids only. Those that are married, on the other hand, will be suffocating from financial crisis if the "boss" don't give a nice amount of bonuses to the employees. So... is CNY (Chinese New Year) really that happy after all?
It can be true. For a reason, it is some sort of free holiday where you can rest. However, it is also false as you need to get everything ready for CNY. Is there really time for you to rest in CNY? Some choose to go traveling. This can avoid such problem. I do agree with that. Haha. But look at this from different perspective, as a teenager, i don think that will be a nice idea. This is the best time to gather around with your friends and get "crazy" ; as a grown-up, it is better to go traveling to avoid all this mess and "complicated" things. Plus, u can relax your mind after a whole year of stress and pressure from work~
Mr.Z is not feeling much better this New Year, Mr.Z is tired of it. Getting all bored from this game of going here and there(visiting) and then going back home dreaming. It is tiring. And, every year seems the same and meaningless. Buying new cloth... that can be done anytime as long as you have the money. playing firecracker... The 31 Aug also got such fireworks that can be seen. the 1st of january every year also got fireworks. So what is so special about it anyway? Yes~ some say it is one in a year event, laugh out loud, ya right, like you cannot live another year to see this thing happen again? c'mon. Birthday is also once in a year, buy new cloth has big meals, ain't that the same?
Anyway, it is just nice to have such event to bring everyone together. Those that are away from home, working overseas, came home for dinner. Gather to have a meal. This is really a nice practise. Look on the bright side, and everything will turn out to be nice. As there is a saying, "everything happen must be good". There must be a reason behind everything that happen~

If tomorrow never come...

2008-02-13T07:31:00.000-08:00

It is like a daily routine for me to think about what am i doing everyday... I wake up in the morning, go brush and wash. Then had my breakfast... then get ready for school. After school, go back home. Forget about the eat and bath, do revision a bit, play game a bit... it continues like it never end...
I take a look at my parents... They are also repeating the same thing, over and over everyday.
I watched a drama... it is about brothers fighting over their parents' property... It is sad... a Will should be made in earlier times before u die. But letting them know how much property you got, they will begin to plan on how to inherit your property. However, this is not the point.What important is that brothers and sisters should love each other and not quarrel for little little thing. It does vexed me when i see the elder brother, his greed make him do whatever it takes to break his father's trust and love to his younger brother. Why is this happening? Greed...
If tomorrow never come, what is that you can take with you to another world? Your sin, Your deeds... Not your money. Not your property.
If tomorrow never come, what you intended to do cannot be done. Is it a good idea to take things for granted just that you think you can live through tonight to see tomorrow again? No one knows when will one's life ends. So leave no regrets in whatever you do.
If tomorrow never comes, Who will you be hard to part with? Did you treasured them before you lost the chances? Human always learn to treasure only after losing something. Peculiar? More like sarcastic.
If... it will never end your worries if you work it out. So do what it is truthful to your heart. Be true to yourself and go where your heart takes you... Do not let the devil in you, take over your life.